Emily, What a terribly unexpected but lovely and sweet surprise your response is. I am so touched! I didn’t mean to imply that I want pity over not having our own Ziggy. I always wish we had children when I read something lovely or see a cute one like yours. And there is something ugly about having any sort of choice taken from us.
I was a lot like you, which sort of doesn’t surprise me now that I know you better, if I actually do. I had always thought I’d have kids because that’s what everyone did but honestly, I had decided that I’d never marry. I told George the other day that I am surprised that we will be married for 25 years. Neither of us would have lasted a year with anyone else. We are both too much of need of time in our own heads. That’s why we get along well, I think. And we were older when we married, relatively. And so were OK with allowing each other to be who we are. Guys I dated when I was younger were always trying to change me and I, them. Thank goodness when we married I realized that I was getting just who I was getting because that is sure right! I literally and figuratively as Virginia Wolf wrote, have that room of my own. Men I dated before would have been threatened by that. George would have thought it weird if I had wanted anything else.
My sister not only wanted children, she wanted 6. Her husband is from a family of 9 children and said, 2! She thought she’d trick him into at least 4 until she learned herself how hard two were. She has always taught school so I think she thought having 20 would be fine but forgot that you don’t send your own home! and she and her husband are lovely about sharing! We have two neighborhood kids to whom we are very close, as well. One had twin had twins last June and her brother will marry in November. I know it isn’t the same but it is lovely…and was when I could send them home to mommy for diapers changes or when they were grumpy. We got the best of the kids!
Having choices of any kind taken away is tough. My Lupus has taught me that. But I am now happy I didn’t have children, although, at my worst, I do have nightmares of being left alone and some stranger finding me dead when I am 80 but I wouldn't have wanted to have kids just to take care of me! I know now that I couldn’t have given my own children what they needed most: me. Not when I was ill. So it all worked out as it should have worked out.
And I believe it did for you, too! We never know, do we? And that can be a lovely thing about life. I rather now enjoy being open to what comes, whatever it is.
I thank you for such a sweet, empathetic letter. My heart is broken that I can’t turn on American TV without having someone yelling hate in my face. I love empathy. It is something I crave. If more felt it, I believe it would change the whole world!
You are quite special! I am happy that Ziggy has such a mom and Rohan has such a wife…maybe or maybe not. But that he has such a partner and mother of his son. your big heart will go far in making your life and theirs good and helping Ziggy find his own giant heart, even while eating his poop.
As for the dogs: I do think it is as expensive, or almost, to raise them. We have two now but once had three. Our newest has colitis and get allergy shots. But we love them. George brings them a toy almost nightly…he just walked in with a Woody Woodpecker and a Stooge…as in The Three (because I hate them). Their toys last maybe 30 minutes as they rip them to shreds to pull out the squeakers and then act all disappointed because they are dead.
When his mom was alive he’d call her and fly her to Austin to dog sit so I could travel with him. I was mortified! But he hated to board them. Now if I travel, I go alone because he won’t leave them. Or I stay here while he travels on business. Our lives revolve around our mutts!
The 2 year old decided recently he won’t go outside in the dark anymore. So he bumps me with his big head until I relent and go out with him. We have landscape lighting so I couldn’t figure out why he was suddenly afraid to chase possums and tree raccoons. Two nights ago I walked him out and figured it: owls. Our tiny screech owls’ eggs have hatched. When they leave the nest box to fetch food, they owlets cry. Kozmo hears them so barks and jumps at the box. He can’t jump nearly that high but the owls don’t know that. They are great parents!
Out of the dark darted a mom or dad owl and bam: flew right into his big fuzzy head. Kozmo fell to the ground! I laughed. He got really low and ran inside. And his tiny sister, Abby, I swear laughed with me! At least I didn’t have to take him to the Vet to repair owl damage. Nothing could dent that hard head.
Your dogs are beauties! I saw them on Medium. They look as if they might actually work or do something constructive. We have Jack Russell Terriers. They are insane. I think we must be to as we keep getting them…for all of our marriage we have had two, at least. And one Australian Shepherd who would herd them away. Smart dog.
I wish you lived closer. We could trade dogs and Ziggy so when either got to be too much, we could each get a break.
But honestly, thank you for this sweetest response. It means the world to me.
For your amusement I have added photos below of Abby, of Kozmo and of Olivia, our mama owl peeking out of her box as those two mutts.
