James, I am so sorry that Juan died. That makes me feel sad.

I am sorry that you are sick. It is hard to be sick, especially with HIV, I bet. I am sick with something, too, that never goes away. I think it will kill me, too. Sometimes that makes me feel afraid. Sometimes angry. Sometimes just really sad. No one wants to hear or talk about it. Sometimes including me. But it is always here, anyway.

I like your video because it talks about HIV and even when I don’t want to talk about it, I know it is best to do that for lots of reasons. You did a great job editing the video. I love the way it looks! I’m impressed. I don’t know how to edit videos but would like to learn.

I remember reading what Tim wrote, what that English guy with the great voice is reading in your work. I like to hear him talk. He can make pictures in my mind with his voice. I see anger when he talks or irony or disgust. His voice is quite expressive.

It is hardest for me when someone else with my screwed up immune system disease, Lupus, dies. I may not have even known them but I feel they took a piece of me or that another fighter on my team has gone. But when a friend dies, I remember how brave they were and I know I will miss them. I see the yellow eyes of that old stalking wolf move even closer, staring hungrily, at me. “Hey!” I think, “I am pretty small and this fight doesn’t seem fair so why don’t you go find Red Ridinghood?” Too bad life is no fairy tale where the bad guys always lose and endings are happy.

I am so sorry that Juan died.

I am sorry that Juan died because I think he was your friend and that he had HIV, too, and that it made you feel sad. I am glad you have a friend like Simon. He sure did a great job with his big project. I bet you are proud of him and that he is proud of you. There is nothing better than a good friend, nothing better than to love someone.

Simon sounds like someone I would like because I like people who aren’t negative. I try to be like that because it makes me feel better than to be negative, although I am what I am so I am not always positive. And I talk too much or, in this case, write too much.

I like to read Smash Street’s work and watch your videos. You are real in ways that many people aren’t, even some who pretend to be. On Medium, you are among my very favorites.

Thanks for writing this and editing and telling us about Simon and being honest that HIV scares you. That’s real, I know. And very brave of you to write it. And interesting.

Thank you for telling us that Juan died. I am very sorry and that part made me cry.

I’m glad you have a friend like Simon and that he has a friend like you and even if Tim gets you thrown out of meetings, I am glad he says what he means and is around for all of you. It sounds like sometimes you all take care of Tim, too.

I hope you write more and post more videos and maybe some pictures, too. Most if all, I hope that when it feel right, you will think of Juan and not feel sad ir scared but think of good times you had with him and the other boys.

Thanks, again for sharing your work. I like it very much.

Colette