No drivel here, Emily.
I’m amazed at all you’ve been through. I was amazed at all you’d been through in your first post. Now I am gobsmacked! You are quite strong and I am so happy to read that you are aware this isn’t “normal” and that you are very aware of what is going on, scientifically. But I want you to feel better. To get help. Because I know the science, too and, as I explained in my 1st response, the absolute devastation of the soul that depression brings.
I think a discussion of post-natal depression will benefit more than a few.
I hate what the NICU caused you to feel.
But most of all, I hope you won’t just wait this out because, as you know, it is just too incidious an illness to trifle with as that last moment when one can despair no more can come without warning. Ziggy won’t magically sleep and his teeth will come in again and again. even as an aunt who came to the rescue with my sister’s two teething children, I almost couldn’t take it!
All I am trying to say is that I just want you to feel better. And I assume you know what ways are available.
I wish you the very best.