Sherry, I realize and realized that you were writing about the “gray” which, no doubt doesn’t feel gray to anyone in that circumstance. I believe fear of some sort is the driving factor in the gray areas, too. Fear of being disliked or intolerant or “not fun” and fear of losing a job or respect and also fear our lives. and I include anyone abused, not just girls and women.

I reacted to what has seemed to be a several weeks long conversation that I do not believe, at least when it began, was gray, at all. Your response was 1st in my feed, as I wrote, and for reasons I ponder, struck me deep in my gut. I first saw the word “trigger” in the sense you use it here on Medium. I get it. I was loaded. I fired.

I like to know why I respond so I shall sit with this and understand. I mean, I know why I responded, generally. But I am curious why I responded to it specifically as it specifically related to my experience. I have avoided such conversations since I began reading on Medium. Not this time. I couldn’t avoid it. The subject kept popping up. And last night, I didn’t even read your entire response until after I responded to it.

It wasn’t you. Appropriate wording, no?

I appreciate your explanation, both this one and the one included in your response. I think you did a great job of explaining our culture and the gray. I will never understand why we of Eve have to accept Adam’s blame when he could have said, “No, thanks.” and your response helped many to better understand that we ought not accept it. Because it is crap. But you wrote it kindly. Honey does attract more flies…what I wrote wasn’t kind. I don’t apologize for that.

I worried as Jules does here, at times, that I had hurt your feelings. That wasn’t my intent nor was I angry with your words. I was angry that you had to use them because I have seen such words way too often on Medium. I mean, what is so hard to understand?

Thanks to alto’s piece I just read, I believe that the conversation I have been watching from afar arose from Charlotte Franklin’s (on my phone so I am unable to call her out) story. It is a great story, thought provoking and well written. One of those fiction stories that causes a reader to wonder if it isn’t truly non-fiction because we all know of or are that non-person beneath the sociopath, who isn’t always an athlete.

You need not apologize for anything. You have earned the benefit of any doubt I might have but, while I never wrote this in my response, you actually didn’t set me off, except in that you were again explaining…oh, I think I just got “me” and my gut…you were explaining again and in a different way why we (anyone being used and abused) are not controlling our abuser.

That isn’t our job.

What happened to responsibility, self-control, empathy and relationship?

It is easier to just take it when we lose so much if we don’t. I believe we lose most of all when we take it but it still isn’t our fault.

It is always their fault.

And we are left to explain and pick up the pieces.

And we in the West smugly cast a dubious and judging eye on countries and religions where women are placed below men and their “needs”. We can drive and needn’t wear Burkas but beware the “gray” areas else we shall pay and, too often, dearly.

Perhaps we should remove the log from our own eyes before we complain about the stick in our neighbor’s? Jesus said that. I won’t steal it unattributed but I will ponder it.

Love and peace to you, friend.