I’m out.

The referendum result in favour of Brexit has sent shockwaves all over the world and we have to be prepared for aftershock upon aftershock for many years to come.

The victorious Leave vote was, of course, a result of a complex combination of factors. But it was fuelled by nationalism; claim back our borders; make Britain great once more. I’d like to think Leave voters knew what they were voting for, at least in principle. Sadly, it appears for many that the reality is very different.

Personally, I’ve never been more engaged with politics. The 2014 Scottish Independence Referendum was the first time that I felt that my vote really could make a difference. Painstaking hours spent reading and watching opinion from both sides, trying to cut through the spin, deciding what and who I could trust and forming an opinion based on what I believed to be true.

I voted No to Scottish independence in 2014. I was convinced that Scotland needed more powers over it’s own affairs but also needed to remain in the UK. I was persuaded by the Better Together pledge (the last minute promise made by Gordon Brown) that Scotland would get more devolved power, along with the assertion that the only way in which Scotland could be in the EU was to remain part of the UK.

Fast forward to the UK General Election in 2015. We had a promise of more devolved power on the table. I believed that we (Scots) needed a strong voice in Westminster to ensure those pre-indyref pledges weren’t simply kicked into the long grass. So, having never considered doing so in the past, I voted for the SNP. I felt that they would be the only party that would do all they could to fight our corner. I didn’t for one minute think the SNP would win half as many seats as it did and normally I’d feel that such a huge majority wasn’t healthy. But these aren’t normal times.

The result of the EUref has caught everyone on the hop. No one expected this, even the Leave campaign themselves don’t seem to have a plan. The country is looking to its leaders for reassurance, but the Tories and Labour are in meltdown.

The exception is Nicola Sturgeon. Her performances in the last 3 days have been of an assured stateswoman; don’t panic, I’ve got this (to paraphrase a popular meme). Exploring all options (not just independence) to protect Scotland’s position in Europe is a massive undertaking and she has openly stated that she does so not as the leader of the SNP, but as Scotland’s First Minister. She is to be applauded for that. Taking on such a job isn’t what she wanted and certainly wasn’t in the plan, but I trust her to do so diligently, with assurance and with the best interests of Scotland (and not her party) at the forefront of her mind.

I despair at the resurgence of right wing politics in the UK and I fear that Brexit will only increase that momentum – and where will it stop? I don’t want any part of that. I want my daughter to grow up in a fair, tolerant, progressive and inclusive society. The UK I voted to remain part of only 2 years ago doesn’t exist any more.

I am now in favour of Scottish independence. I cannot see any other workable solution. But that’s not going to be plain sailing. I think it’ll turn out to be the least worst option because nobody wins in the scenario we now find ourselves in. Expect pain, whatever route we end up taking.

If we do have indyref2, I hope that this time we (the Scottish public) will be better informed – we should be given the mountain of work that our politicians and civil servants will need to do in the meantime. And I hope the campaigns will be positive, the last 2 years have been dogged with fear mongering and spurious claims. We’ve got our children, and their children and their grandchildren to think about here.

Currency will be a major issue for an independent Scotland. Sterling is out of the question so Scotland either will need it’s own money or join the Eurozone.

Neither is particularly attractive to me – I work from my home as an employee of a small company based in England. The practicalities of being paid in a different currency from my mortgage and other liabilities is a daunting thought. I’m sure there are loads of Scots in my position too. But I might just have to swallow that to get the kind of society I want to live in.

Despite having lived and worked in England, and having family, friends and colleagues dotted all over the country, I’ve never felt so disconnected from the UK.

I’m really sad about that.