Sailing a Steward’s Ship: A Transformational Experience of How to Be the Captain of Your Boat
By Sofie Delameillieure and Dounia Saeme
In this post, two practitioners that are new to systemic constellations describe their experience using the approach as well as the multiple benefits and transformational insights they obtained from their asynchronous practice.
Collective Transitions offered two systemic constellations trainings in Spring 2021. As two practitioners new to this approach, we met in the Introduction to Systemic Constellation course and then started getting together biweekly to practice. During this time, we deepened our understanding of the approach and its practice while also coming to terms with our own apprehensions about being in more intimate contact with uncomfortable emotions and sensations. That journey continued during our involvement in the facilitator training that started a few weeks later.
The systemic constellations exercise we share here was assigned as part of the facilitator training. (See “What is a systemic constellation” and homework exercise.). During the exercise, we played with six identified elements (the key aspects, people, places, and qualities being spotlighted through the constellation approach): Inspiration, the Unknown, Ritual, Space, Self, and Stewardship. This led to a journey we didn’t quite foresee — one that included resistance.
Setting up the systemic constellation
Using Zoom as a medium, we — Dounia from Morocco and Sofie from Belgium — set up a date to practice the systemic constellation, which was designed to be an asynchronous or “async” constellation, done individually or in pairs rather than collectively with the larger group. Dounia was willing to serve as facilitator, and with some massaging, we arrived on Sofie’s calling question (a focused intention that sketches the territory to be explored during the constellation). Based on Sophie’s experience as a dancer, the question we formulated was:
“What is important for me to know in order to be inspired to dance in service to the world?”
For the elements that she would represent and “sense into” during the constellation, Sofie didn’t resonate initially with the word Stewardship, so we dropped it and went with five initial elements: Ritual, Space, Inspiration, the Unknown, and Self (“Sofie”) (see Image 1).
Before jumping into the constellation itself, we had to decide on the canvas on which it would unfold. From reading the calling question again, it became clear that the most appropriate place to seek answers about being inspired to dance would be in and through the body. Thus, we determined that Sophie would physically step on to the post-it note depicting each element and then sense in her body what that element had to say. The aim was to open up to multiple possibilities of learning and ways of knowing, whether that be movements, sounds, images, lyrics, etc.
Embodying the elements
Tuning in
Sofie started out by arranging the post-it notes for each of the (five initial) elements on her carpet and then proceeded to step into representing herself (Self or“Sofie”). After having been agitated at the start of the call, she felt she could finally let loose — jumping up and down and letting her frustration out.
When she felt ready to step into representing the next elements, Space, she immediately said, “I have to clear the space.” Dounia asked her which element was speaking. Sofie realized that she was still representing herself as an element, and that it would take a conscious shift to switch from “Sofie” to “Space.” When she stepped on the paper representing “Space,” it felt at first unbalanced and ungrounded.
Floating anchored
The strongest image Sofie had while representing “Space” was of a huge ocean of thoughts, feelings, and diffuse awareness. Inside this vast watery environment, Sofie became a buoy anchored deeply on the seafloor. She could hold the movements of the water by floating in it while also being held by it. In the overwhelm and chaos came groundedness and centering.
Once Sofie detached from Space as an element, Dounia asked her if she felt called to step into another element. Sofie proceeded to make her way to Ritual and immediately bowed her body, straight down to the ground.
Longing for devotion
What came up under Ritual was a feeling of neglect, a strong “push and pull” dynamic. Sopfie felt a desire to surrender to Ritual and yet also to step away from it. She started brushing off what felt like “stuckness” from her body. With her eyes closed, she described being in a bubble, a sort of cave with one small flickering candle. All she could see was a blackness and a little flame. She bowed and started praying. Throughout, she felt a deep longing for devotion.
“Use your senses”
Sofie stood up and instinctively knew to move on to the next element, Inspiration. Her first words were “use your senses,” and she started touching her legs, yawning, breathing, and swirling her spine — a process that could be described as releasing tension from the body. She began engaging in spiral-like movements.
The image of a music box with a ballerina dancing — the exact box from her childhood — re-emerged in her awareness. She felt so alive. She could feel the movements of the ballerina dancing in circles in her own body. Sofie’s inner witness guided her to the beauty and simplicity of dancing, which was always there in her body and ready to be called upon.
Suddenly it felt like inspiration itself took over, as if there was no separation between Sofie and the element she was representing, Inspiration.
“I am inspiration.” It was everywhere, in her cells, in her entire being. She could visualize inspiration as a DNA double helix and suddenly remembered the origin of the word “inspire” — meaning “to breathe spirit” and “in spirit.”
Moving through stuckness
Stepping from Inspiration into the Unknown took a while. Sofie felt a desire to run and then a sensation that she was going to be “catapulted into the cosmos.” That did not happen, and instead a sense of stuckness settled in again. Sofie felt completely immobilized and suffocated. Her limbs and her entire body were frozen. She unconsciously started tapping her chest, as if she was releasing her emotions. She was stuck in the “unknown.” She suddenly realized her body was facing Inspiration, and that awareness evoked deep feelings of love for inspiration. Her body softened.
She felt a veil between herself and Inspiration, like it was forbidden territory. She asked, “What is it that’s blocking me from receiving inspiration?” The answer she received was that her sadness wanted to be felt, so she sensed a wave of grief coming up and felt her way through.
The message from this moment felt clear: “Your body is a temple.” Honor the gift of having a sensorial body. Whatever arises as sensations have to be felt and acknowledged before moving on.
Sofie then felt the energy of Ritual again, with a desire to bow and to be in humility in front of the Unknown. Humility toward not knowing, and finding peace in that awareness. Her wavering arm movements anchored that message into the ground.
Coming full circle
Sofie stood up and stepped back into the element of Self (Sofie). Here she felt an emptiness, and she tried to digest and integrate the insights from Space, Ritual, and Inspiration into the Unknown. This pause was necessary to shake off the previous elements so she could fully make space for the next step.
That is when the element Stewardship became relevant. Feeling a little scared but very courageous, Sofie replaced the “Sofie” element with Stewardship. A wave of sadness came up. Tears welled in her eyes and she took big breaths.
Stepping into Stewardship felt very grounded and solid on the earth. An image of being the captain of a boat popped up in Sofie’s mind. She felt proud to be able to guide a boat to shore or to wherever it may want to go — to sail and to be guided by the wind, the sea, the sun, and the stars. The wisdom of this image gave rise to a deep inner knowing that another type of navigational system exists by tuning into nature and its signals and conditions.
Reflection: Multi-dimensional learning
The ability to tap into multi-dimensional learning was definitely one of our biggest insights from the constellation! By using images as a navigational tool, we tapped into one of the many ways of knowing. The systemic constellation created the story for the movements and emotions to come intuitively.
Embodied wisdom
The appearance of images in movement exercises is what Karl Jung would call active imagination, a conscious method of experimentation where one uses creative imagination as an organ for perceiving outside their own mental box. In the tradition of the theosophy of post-Renaissance Europe, the active imagination serves as an “organ of the soul,” thanks to which humanity can establish a cognitive and visionary relationship with an intermediate world.
Being immersed in sensing gave Sofie a full-body experience of what a word means. For example, when she embodied the element Inspiration, she viscerally felt the meaning of the word instead of understanding it mentally. In that moment, she was Inspiration.
To recap the wisdom that came through images:
- Space (anchor in the ocean): to have a clear energetic system (body and space)
- Ritual (flickering candle in a cave): to have a contemplative practice
- Inspiration (DNA stream, ballerina): to be, to breathe spirit
- Unknown (immobilization): to not be afraid to feel your emotions
- Stewardship (captain of a boat): to be a proud captain, to trust your inner knowing and intelligence by using your inner tuning fork for navigation.
Resistance
Multiple times during the practice, we felt resistance toward the exercise, including dedicating the time and space to begin.
Sofie observed: “Systemic constellations as the practice of tapping into new ‘old’ ways of knowing is so unfamiliar and unknown that it takes trust and confidence in your own navigating abilities to acknowledge that whatever that comes through is valuable. The resistance I felt toward writing down what comes through as a somatic experience was a tough one to journey with. How can I give words to a full-body experience?”
Dounia added: “As a disclaimer, it feels important to share that throughout our work, we’ve felt resistance. This thick stickiness, like legs in honey, encouraged me to learn to become more like bees and gracefully maneuver my discouraging thoughts. Whether it was getting the constellation started or writing our reflections, Sofie and I would always cheer the other into going through with it despite the discomfort.”
After acknowledging our resistance and trying to work with it instead of against it, we managed to use the resistance in a productive manner.
The power of the witness
In systemic constellations practice, the presence of a witness allows for participants to be seen and heard in all of their emotions and insights during the embodiment practice. For our async practice, Dounia held the container as both facilitator and witness. Whether she was mapping (see Image 1), actively listening, or intuitively asking questions, we were able to tap into our shared field of creativity and go on a profound journey together. Dounia was able to feel the emotions she witnessed, and, thanks to empathic resonance, she too experienced profound shifts and insights.
The sensorial wisdom came through as crisp images and spontaneous movements that Dounia scribbled down as she witnessed Sofie in her authenticity (see Image 2).
Circling back to the calling question: “What is important for me to know in order to be inspired to dance in service of the world?”
Sofie realized that she needed to clear the space (inside out), and devote herself to work, acknowledge her emotions, and find the courage to face the unknown.
There is no “end” to an inquiry, and we invite you to play with the elements. What would happen if we introduced Devotion or Courage (or both) as elements in the constellation?
Becoming intimate with the words, by stepping onto them and into the body, is a doorway to start seeing what you don’t see, to then acknowledge the hidden emotions, beliefs, and patterns that arise. It helps you be able to release what no longer serves: sailing smoothly.
Healing experience
A very powerful lesson from our experience was the importance of acknowledging and feeling all of our emotions, no matter what they are. In this case, key emotions were sadness and fear. Only after first experiencing them was Sofie able to step into a new phase, that of Stewardship.
By allowing release and self-regulation, as during the period when Sofie was immobilized into the Unknown — as well as being seen and supported by Dounia, which is a form of co-regulation — invited a subtle yet profound shift. Sofie witnessed what arises with compassion and non-judgement, her nervous system settled from frozen to mobile.
A constellation practice has the power to become a healing experience (with the right pre-conditions). It can thus be understood as a polyvagal exercise, opening the door to compassion:
By using movement to release energy or transform thoughts,
By using touch to feel the connection with self,
By tapping to free up emotions,
By being seeing and witnessed by another being,
We use the wisdom of the body to eventually come back to a sense of safety and connection.
About the Authors
Sofie Delameillieure is a body-oriented coach, facilitator with a mission to stimulate the process of individual and group self-awareness, to discover the wisdom of the body and recurring patterns, and as a result live with more ease and in sync with the natural cycle of life. She is a practitioner at Collective Transitions.
Dounia Saeme MA, is a development economist by training and a facilitator by passion. Two years into the PhD program, in 2016, the year AI came of age, stuck in colonial, patriarchal and capitalist patterns, she realized the edge was in relationship, not in intellect. Burned out, she left the PhD to reclaim herself and learn how to harmoniously surf the edge.
She is now on a mission to disseminate social technologies that enable emotional intelligence leapfrogging and unleash the full power of conscious leadership. She is an Open Space facilitator, a certified Prosocial facilitator and a Systemic Constellation facilitator.
