I wrote this on August 2nd, at 3 o’ something in the morning. Apologies for my lack of punctuation —

why am i smiling? after briefly assessing my situation in life and how i, for starters, am basically fucking up in every way possible, i find myself smiling ear to ear. that doesn’t make any sense. i guess the beauty within the pain is worth it? that can’t be it. am i full of myself or do i despise myself? if my subconscious is merely writing these thoughts off then that’s certainly, you know, not good. but would it be better than harboring a deep hatred for myself? i can’t rationalize this quirk for some reason. which is okay. it’s a common theme in my life. no rationalizations, no worries, right? something like that.

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