Former Head Writer of the Tonight Show Picks His Joke of the Week

Congrats to Jan Williams for winning this week’s joke pick!

Pro comedy writer Joe Toplyn, Former head-writer of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Late Show with David Letterman, picks his joke of the week:

Winner: Jan Williams, Follow her on Comedywire

Joe’s comments:

Setup: Louisiana couple finds $1.8 million lottery ticket while cleaning their house!

Punch line: “Nice try, Mom,” said every kid everywhere.

Jan might have used Punch Line Maker #3 — Ask a question about the topic — to write this great joke. Instead of asking herself a question like “What else did the couple find?” or “How are they going to spend all that money?”, Jan focused on the more surprising question “Who would say that?”

Jan answered that question by realizing that the possibility of finding a $1.8 million lottery ticket is a terrific incentive to clean the house, and by associating that incentive with Moms trying to motivate their kids to do the chore. That association became the basis of Jan’s punch line.

The first, very rough, draft of the punch line might have been something like “At least that’s what Moms everywhere are telling their kids to get them to help clean the house.” But that draft clearly could use some editing.

To shorten the punch line (Joke Maximizer #1) and to make it not too on-the-nose (Joke Maximizer #11), Jan might have edited it down to “At least that’s what Moms everywhere are telling their kids.”

To shorten it even more and convert it into an act-out (Joke Maximizer #12), Jan changed the punch line to its final version, “‘Nice try, Mom,’ said every kid everywhere.” The act-out, in which Jan unexpectedly steps into the role of a kid, adds another little element of surprise, and therefore funniness, to the joke.

Four-time Emmy winner Joe Toplyn is a former head writer for David Letterman and Jay Leno. He also wrote the book “Comedy Writing for Late-Night TV.”