List: Things I’d Rather Watch Than Trump’s Prime Time Address

A Jeopardy marathon, but just the interview sections.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson reading all the poetry I wrote, age 13 to 18.

A Limp Bizkit cover band.

A rerun of The Weather Channel.

Mike Pence describing a clitoris.

My parents’ sex tapes. All five volumes.

Screenshots of all the drunk texts I’ve ever sent, mixed with all the photos I’ve untagged on Facebook, set to Green Day’s “Time of Your Life.”

Gigli.


(Bret Sohl, Janine Annett, Dan Shearer, Steve Eulenberg, Chi Laughlin, Emily Walsh, & Francesca O.)