She never really believed that she was beautiful, good looking, pretty. Those are just words that put you up on a pedestal, make you feel like an object instead of a person, of flesh and blood, with thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Her name is not important, there are millions of names if not more. Her measurements were irrelevant, short, tall, thin, and curvy they are all the same on the inside where no one sees you, where you can see yourself. It matters not of your race, religious beliefs, what types of clothes you wear, there is a light and there is dark. They balance themselves, especially when you are thinking, analyzing your life and what path you want to take.
Her eyes are all telling, their depths are infallible losing herself in them from time to time. Her fantasies are plentiful, yearning for someone to see her for what and who she is. Never has she felt real true love, the person she thought she loved was nothing but a liar, a cheat, a farse. She met him when she was older but was young enough to still have children. At the beginning he was charming, it was a long-distance relationship they would talk all of the time on the phone, texted and emailed every day. After three years of this he asked her to move to be with him, he wanted to get engaged and married within about a year. And on Father’s Day, he asked her father for her hand in marriage, and he gave his permission but there was no ring at all. When he finally had given her a ring it wasn’t real, she thought love was more important, that their life together would be worth more.
And in a blink of an eye 8 years had passed and they were still in the same place but this time she was supporting him, making sure that ends would meet. They ended up losing everything, their apartment, car, and yet another apartment. When she would ask him about children she was met with it’s not a good time or do you want to bring a child up in this place? They were living with his parents, he had sworn to his grandfather that he would take care of his mom, she begged him to leave with her, move out of state. He refused to leave, then after their 12th year of marriage, she was faced with the biggest betrail. He met a “friend” online and told her that she also was married with a little girl, they clicked and he wanted to be her friend. He told his wife all about her and how they had a lot in common, she thought nothing of it at the time.
Then it started happening, he withdrew into himself, the only things that mattered was texting her, video chatting with her, at all hours of the day and night. Until one day he dropped it on her that his friend was coming into town for a visit, she was shocked but what could she do? They planned an outing and she told her husband that she wanted to go with them to the city, he told her of course, but in the end, he left her behind with his family. They started fighting every day and he let her down yet again. He went to visit her, she was alone once again, for months, probably years she knew he wanted out. She saw all the signs, but could never admit it to herself. And when he came back home from his trip he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, that was it she had it. And set up a trip home to tell her family that she was starting divorce proceedings, they were shocked, yet they were not. She had been distant, lost, and alone.
When it was finalized and she was finally free, he was upset at her because she was the one that filed everything. Within the next six months she realized a few things, he swore he would never leave his mother, but the moment she left he did as well, and the fact that he didn’t want any responsibility he wanted to be free, but he wanted to be friends. And he moved in with that woman and her child never giving it a second thought. She had been dealing with her marriage being over for a very long time and she would cry her self to sleep at night, dreaming for someone to love. Cutting him out of her life completely was the best thing she had ever done, the drama was now over, she had a new life to begin.
She is now happy, she loves herself, and she knows that she’s ready for love. Doing what she loves to do, following her hopes and dreams. Everything will fall into place, she knows it in her heart, in her very soul. She might have been a dark girl wrapped inside a cocoon, and when she was released a light girl filled her through and through.