I may have lived at home with my folks but that was the only thing I could really complain about. I lived in Croydon (which may be the only other thing I could complain about but that really is it) a short train ride to Central London. I worked in the city. My job that was pretty stress free and didn't have any real pressure but it paid the kind of money where I was free to do what I wanted. To quote The Rakes “22 grand job in the city its alright”.

I had (still have they haven't gone anywhere I hope) amazing friends who supported me. We would go out to Shoreditch and play fooseball at Bar Kick and pool at the Hoxton Bar and Grill. We would frequent bars and restaurants all over town. As a single man often being an absolute charmer or a bit of a perve depending on how much alcohol I had consumed that evening.

I was able to follow my one true passion. I was part of London’s vibrant improvised comedy scene at a time when it was particularly exciting. New theatres and nights are popping up all over the town and I was heavily involved with Hoopla improv (not officially but I was certainly around) which I consider to be the best of the bunch. I got to perform regularly with super talented people who are not only great comedians but great people. I even began to teach improvised comedy and occasion get paid to do it!!!

LIFE WAS GOOD.

I knew what I was doing and when I had to do it and was beginning to learn how to balance my passion and friends and work so that I had enough time and money to do everything. The only way was up right?

WRONG!

I was in my comfort zone. I knew I could do shows, I knew what I was going to be getting up to with my friends, I knew what I was going to be doing day by day, week by week, month by month, and that to me was just depressing. I knew it was a cycle of standardised happiness that I had to break. This cycle was leading me back to the same point over and over again. My dreams at a constant distance that wouldn't get closer or further away. To close to give up on too far away to really achieve. And while I was happy and at times ecstatic it wasn't progress. I wasn't moving forward. I was on the cusp of stagnating.

I NEEDED TO SHAKE THINGS UP. BIG TIME!

Here is a list of things I could have done to change my situation:

• change jobs/ go self employed as a comedian
• move to my own flat
• take up a new hobby
• go back to the gym
• read some motivational books or just more books in general
• get a hair cut, buy new clothes and generally give myself a make over
• go on holiday
• get laser eye surgery

So I emigrated to Toronto, Canada. I had been the year before and knew I wanted to come back some day but hadn't banked on it being this soon. I could have poo pooed the idea saying it was unnecessary, too extreme, I’d be giving up too much, its so far away. But I thought fuck it! Its my life and I will do as I damn well please!!!

When I first rolled off the plane I had 2 friends in the whole of town. I slept and am still sleeping on their sofa. After 3 weeks I’d say I have one more actual friend. My job prospects are poor. I am having to start completely from scratch with the comedy scene and have already received knock backs. I am not as well off as I was in London.

For the moment anyway.

I am expectant. I am happy in the knowledge that here while externally I am poorer I get the opportunity for massive internal growth. Personally and professionally I feel that my future is brighter here than in London. Its just a feeling but its an important one. I am no longer comfortable. I am a bit stressed and struggling to keep my head above water. I am no longer in my comfort zone. I have my drive and will to not only succeed but improve back.

I’M STRUGGLING AGAIN AND I LOVE THAT!

PS No-one in London was holding me back. In fact people were trying to push me forward, wanting the best for me. I was holding myself back. These feelings, these thoughts, these actions are all on me. And the only way out I knew was to start somewhere fresh.