Blairites Are Trying To Fuck Jeremy Over

It’s fucked up. People are talking about a simple slip of the tongue during PMQs instead of discussing Jeremy’s dominant performance at the dispatch box where, yet again, he reduced Theresa May to a gurning and confused dunce. Weird thing is, it should be a good news story when you think about it. One second we think the poor man has passed away, the next we’re hearing he’s alive. It’s something we should be celebrating, not hauling a good man over the coals for drawing attention to it. Did you want that police officer to be dead? No, so don’t criticise.

I blame the Blairites for this, the dudes who watch and criticise Corbyn’s every move like a bitter divorcee with a pair of binoculars watching her ex-husband riding his prized jet ski with a new lover. She bought him that jet ski and now she’s praying for a tsunami. Only, if the tsunami does arrive — not only does it take out the ex-husband (who might actually be a decent guy, breaking free from an oppressive situation), it takes out the elderly couple strolling down the promenade as part of their fiftieth wedding anniversary plans. It also takes out the family of four taking the boat out for a cheerful fishing trip. It takes out all the happy school kids collecting shells and other interesting objects for a project. It takes out a beloved local dog walker and all of the lovely dogs she’s responsible for. Imagine those poor creatures paddling hopelessly for dear life. Christ, it even takes out the whole fucking town man. But like the Blairites, I doubt she even gives a fuck. They would much prefer to watch the world burn than to see someone else ride off into the sunset with something they thought belonged to them.

Seriously, why not do something productive and positive on social media instead of poking fun for once? You could try learning from some of its best contributors. It’s something Jeremy should look at doing himself. One of the things I admire most about him, is that he seems to have encouraged people nobody had really heard of before to give him advice on how to run the party. Just little pointers here and there, where they think he’s fucked up or is being led down a dodgy path by a Blairite looking to take him out with a brick in an abandoned store or something.

He could take a leaf out of Trump’s book and stop looking inside a treacherous party for answers and give shadow cabinet roles to prominent supporters. Dr Eoin (aka @LabourEoin on Twitter) creates unbelievable stats and figures that would make him a perfect Shadow Home Secretary. No doubt that dude ‘I Was a JSA Claimant’ (@imajsaclaimant) would make a kick ass Shadow Secretary of State for Work and Pensions — he’s been on the other side of that shit. I get that just from his Twitter handle alone. I’d get Artist Taxi Driver (@chunkymark — don’t get that handle, but okay) in as the Shadow Culture Secretary without even thinking about it.

Unlike Michael Gove, I actually believe in experts — so let them run shit as well. But let’s kick the Blairites out first.

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