Door Knocking Is Horseshit

Being online I could write a blog, or create a petition, or join a political party (or movement) in pretty much ten minutes or less. I’ve literally done all those things at some point and it took no time at all. I can then share that info on social media and it could reach a million people by the end of the day. Have you got any idea how long it would take to knock on a million doors? Fucking ages I would expect and I doubt anyone has even bothered to try. Then you have to factor in the conversations you have to have if people do bother to answer. Then there’s the unpleasant side of having to deal potentially hostile residents. What if there’s a racist lurking behind that door?

I’ve experienced the grim reality of canvassing once, trotting around a borough of London for a local candidate (who is actually a bit of a prick — but another story). It was freezing outside and I was wearing a t-shirt I had slashed up the night before to give it a textural look. Hardly anyone was answering their door apart from an old lady who fashion shamed me with a lecture about how scruffy I looked. The next time somebody answered I was blindsided by a UKIP voter who lobbed a giant Toblerone at my head. I’m talking the giant fuckers you only see at an airport (Toblerone, not UKIP voters — they hate going abroad), or on a ferry. You know, the type of thing an uncle panic buys for a nephew or neice after a trip abroad and suddenly remembers his gift promise on landing. The kid is happy to receive what is essentially way too much chocolate for even a grown adult, but yet also disappointed at the lack of receiving something authentic.

I’m not a grass, but we called the police anyway which was a waste of time because they basically laughed it off as a bit of banter. I pointed out how hefty those things are and, with the edges, you could probably take someone’s eye out. I was lucky to still have sight in both eyes. Honestly, these are the type of things you’d keep under your bed to fuck up an intruder with, if your life depended on it. That would also save you the job of having to break the chocolate yourself I suppose. Anyway, I only had a dent in my forehead, some bruising for a good week and later some mild PTSD I needed to smoke off.

This obsession with meetings and door knocking is why the party is behind the times and Corbyn and his team know this. It’s why they’re relaunching, chucking some quality tweets out and getting public favourites like Paul Mason to chip in with some extra heat for the kids. That so-called relaunch, despite the Blairites getting all cynical about it, has already led to favourable movements in the polls. If you average the net movements across the latest YouGov (Labour +1, Conservative -) and Survation (Labour-, Conservative -1) polls and then project them forward to a general election that takes place in October, you get this below:

Looks pretty good, right? Now consider YouGov is run by a tax dodging Tory with a vested interest in downplaying Jeremy’s appeal to voters. Now consider the current bubble of fictional Lib Dem voters which has been created by the pull of the #CorbynEffect hauling the electorate to the left. Those votes will eventually end up in the hands of Labour. When you consider all angles, it’s starting to tell a different story to the bullshit narratives we’re used to seeing in the MSM and paints a much rosier picture for Labour and Corbyn.

Anyway, online is where the heat of the action is and where the future of politics is heading if it isn’t there already. Let the Blairites drop leaflets nobody wants to read and scare old people in their homes. Nobody cares.

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