It’s the Breath that Counts

Insights from a beginner’s mindfulness meditation practice

Two months ago, I started a meditation habit, in part to ease anxiety. Since then, I’ve logged sessions on all but 5 days. My sessions are short so far: usually 5 or 10 minutes. I’ve done a few guided meditations, but mostly I set the timer and try to ease into a mindfulness practice.

This goes more smoothly on some days than others.

Even though I’ve only been meditating for a brief time, I’m starting to notice some positive effects.

• I am more tuned into my emotions. When anger, anxiety or fear arises, I am aware of it sooner and can get in touch with my breath, make space for the feeling(s) demanding attention, and often avoid letting unchecked emotions dictate what I say and do. On the brighter side of the emotional spectrum, I’m also feeling gratitude, joy, amusement, love and compassion more deeply.
• I feel more empowered. Meditation gives me some of the tools — and exercises the muscles — I need to get through anxiety and other difficult states of mind. Simply pausing and taking three or four deep breaths helps, and the reason I’m able to do that on the fly is because I practice it when I meditate.
• I feel more clear-headed and aware of my thoughts and thought processes. Sometimes I can catch thoughts that threaten to spiral into full-on anxiety and just be aware of them until they pass.
• My capability to reason through problems and make decisions has improved. Instead of sinking into the quicksand of worry or avoidance whenever a potentially problematic situation arises, I can take a few deep breaths to calm my system and then mull over the options before making a choice.
• I am more responsive, and less reactive, in my communication. When someone says or does something that triggers frustration, anger, or another unpleasant feeling, I don’t find myself giving into the knee-jerk reactions of either biting back or pulling away as frequently as I did in the past. Instead, I recognize that a button installed years ago, by an unrelated person or situation, has been pushed, and take a few moments to care for whatever part of me is feeling vulnerable, upset, angry, or scared. Then, I can respond from a calmer, more level place.

The keywords here are “more” and “sometimes”, because meditation has by no means eradicated my anxiety or morphed me into a paradigm of perpetual calm. I still fall prey to anxiety, anger, frustration, disappointment, fear and other painful emotions and states of mind. I still react from those turbulent places.

Just, not as often as I used to. That’s something.

Every time I’m able to connect with my breath to ease myself through a difficult moment, I feel a bit stronger. Every time I can prevent a deluge of negativity from swallowing me up, I feel more in control. Every time I’m able to take note of a dark thought without latching onto it and letting it carry me to a dark place, I feel more free.

Small shifts in thinking, perspective and awareness add up to something I can’t quite quantify, but that nevertheless counts.