The hardest part of bettering yourself.
Finding out you are not the person you want to be.
I know this line of reasoning is probably in some shitty self help book at your local bookstore, but coming to terms to what that really means is difficult. I’m not as fit as I would like (which is at all), I’m not as kind as I want to be, I’m not as driven as I should be, I’m not the man I want to be. Just getting to the point of saying this out loud is a slow burn that eats away at you late at night. A journey of denial that the cause of your problems isn’t from any outside force but you (it’s just the circumstances I’m in!) and self hatred (why am I the way I am?). It may take weeks or years but that journey (hopefully) will eventually bring you to this place of clarity.
The late night pep talks that help you go to bed at night are not enough. Those of us who have been through it know that as soon as morning hits its back to old habits: sleeping in to avoid responsibility, watching videos on YouTube to put off life decisions, and eating junk food to make you feel better about not changing a damn thing. This fog of self doubt is heavy and will stop at nothing to stay around. I know some of you may be thinking that this is more information about my personal life than you wanted to know, but if you feel or do the same things just know that I understand how you feel.
I’m not writing this to tell you every step that you need to do to finally makes those life changes. Chances are you already know what you need to do. Yes it will be a long fight against that fog, and it will at times probably seem like you shouldn’t have even tried. Change is hard, but the sooner you realize that you are in control of who you are, the sooner you can find the strength to fight back. Denying yourself pleasures in the short term is difficult, but knowing there will be a pay off is way better than any short term satisfaction. I promise I’m not just writing off the lines of every cliché self help book ever, but sometimes just remembering these simple truths can help you find your way through a time of personal stagnation.
Find my passion
Be healthy
Keep your promises
This is my shortlist of goals for myself. I hope this isn’t just another late night pep talk.
-J.C.
