5 Ways To Be Petty Without Leaking Nudes

i typed “petty minion” in google images for this

Imagine a girl is changing in her room and you rip the door off and tell everyone to come look. That’s probably what leaking nudes is like. Not good, and a crime! It’s probably a bad idea! Like, morally, it’s a rather shitty thing to do, but also…logically it’s also a bad idea. Cause if you leak nudes, you’ve just opened the flood gates for some petty retaliation shit. Like you’ve just told someone who probably knows a bunch of intimate info about you that the gloves are off.

Nah! Ol’ girl out here like “did you know that his dick look like a lil cookie crisp??? When he first whipped it out I wanted to pour some milk on it for real!”

Nah!

Anyway, Rob Kardashian is upset at Blac Chyna and livetweeting his sadness and tweeting nudes of her. I was rooting for them! (I forgot they were a thing!)

It looks…rather pathetic. Like, Rob is seriously spittin bars about it.

Drake’s ghostwriter?

Don’t do this. There’s many ways to be petty without leaking nudes or spitting 140 character bars. I’ll share them.

1. Become President

Unrealistic? Maybe. But hear me out. Your ex wronged you or forgot about you or whatever…imagine how stupid they’ll feel when you’re president. They’ll be like “damn, my ex really done became President and I’m out here regular as shit. I coulda been right by my ex side supporting US imperialism and taking orders from rich corporations!”

Future would make a better president than our current one!

“Hello. This is your president speaking. It is now illegal to be my ex. Haha, just a little joke. Wish her the best :-)”

2. Make Yourself Appear To Be Successful Right After Breaking Up

Rent a mansion. Rent an expensive car. Post yourself with that shit on Instagram with some subtle caption like

“Wow, I’m really out here living! #notthinkingboutmyex #didntrentanyofthis #thiswasntmylifesavingsoranything #ineedaplacetostayinlike30days”

Jokes on Drake, the dog tryna get back at his ex too

3. Instapetty

Imagine an app called Instapetty. It’s simple. It matches two strangers to meet up and take pictures together pretending like they are a couple that’s having fun. Then it posts those pictures to Instagram.

He doesn’t even have an ex he’s just vulnerable and wanted to cuddle

Brilliant? Yes, I know. If any venture capitalists like my app idea, hit me up. With money by the way.

4. Leak Your Own Private Photos But Incredibly Photoshopped

Fuck it. This is one of the realest ways to get back at your ex.

Look at that shit. Your ex will cringe in REGRET upon seeing your photoshopped privacy. Hell, people who never dated you will.

5. Not Attempting To Get Back At Your Ex

I know this sounds meta as shit, but ever attempt to just get over it and not get back at your ex? Check it, your ex might be expecting you to retaliate or be petty towards them…but you just don’t acknowledge none of that shit and just live your life. And then they feel bad about it. This is the ultimate own.

Thank You For Reading

Thank you for reading pals. There’s nothing wrong with being petty, you just gotta go about it the right way. Stay strong in these times.

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