Why Porn Plots Need Me As A Writer

Like it or not, porn is very important to cultures around the globe. It has been said the people spend $3,000 per second on porn. In case you didn’t know, that’s a lot of money. Pornography is not going away anytime soon, especially considering the fact one of the groups that oppose it appear to consume it regularly.

But the beef here is how boring the plot ideas are, and how sometimes these boring ideas can reinforce stereotypes. Many black and Latina performers — just like with their real movie counterparts, are given boring roles as maids, suggesting that cleaning up and getting banged is one of the only jobs for them.

Like yo, you can be more creative than that. And even on the other side of the coin, we see harmful stereotypes towards black men in porn, often exaggerating their sexuality and making them out to be some type of sexual beasts. And far too many porn plots involve men coercing women creepily, which might plant ideas in a dude’s head that that’s the way you do it in real life.

That’s why I think my porn plot ideas are better. They aren’t woke or anything, but they are far more interesting than “Man Has Sex With Maid” or “Guy Creepily Talks To Woman Sitting On A Couch And Asking Her If She Wants To Pay For Her Schooling Or Not?”

So here are my 4 porn plot ideas.

That are all objectively good:

Porn Plot #1: Sexsi

Characters:

Protester: A young black woman wearing hijab protesting oppressive government and police

Cop: A handsome police officer attending the protest

Jendall Kenner: A supermodel who carries around a lot of Sexsi

Sexsi: A popular soft drink that sometimes makes people horny and enlightens them.


Script:

Cop: Don’t you people have something better to do than stand here with that sign?

Protester: Don’t you have something better to do to take part in oppression? It’s a shame looks like yours are wasted on being a cop.

Cop: We do not oppress. We simply enforce the law.

Protester: Has it ever occurred to you that the law you enforce might be the oppressor all along?

Jendall Kenner: Whoa whoa! Both of you, have a Sexsi®

Cop: [After Drinking The Sexsi] Wow. The police work like a gang to protect the ruling class and allow white people to violently oppress and terrorize communities of color from afar. Violently enforcing laws against citizens is archaic and police should be abolished and broken up into several government-funded groups that provide well-trained aid to different members of society without using violence and intimidation, especially when it comes to the disabled!

Protester: Fuck me.

Cop: [Undressing] You ain’t gotta tell me twice

Jendall Kenner: You guys know I’m still here???

Porn Plot #2: Cuckaway

A married man finds out a buff man has been coming to his wife and fucking his wife silly every week. Our married man has been getting cucked. He remembers seeing an ad for a service called “Cuckaway” where a trained mercenary scares potential bulls (cuckolders) out of your house.

The married man calls the “Cuckaway”service and the mercenary reaches his post. They patiently hide and wait for the bull to enter.

Hours later, the bull enters. He calls out the wife’s name. The mercenary appears. “Get the fuck out of here, pal!” he yells. The bull is terrified. “Whoa I’m just tryna fuck, I’m not tryna fight!” he responds, backing out of the house.

“Yeaaaaah boy!” the married man high-fives the mercenary and leaves to go out and party with his bros. The mercenary begins to leave also, but on the way out, the wife puts her hand on his chest and says “the way you scared that bull off was so sexy…”

A sex scene between the mercenary and wife ensues.

Porn Plot #3: Tiny Dick Musical

tfw smol meat

A young man with a below-average penis ends up depressed due to his perceived prospect of being desirable. He falls asleep and random characters in his dream sing to him:

It’s ok to have a tiny dick!
Even if you’re not handsome, buff, or rich!
It’s ok to have a tiny dick!
You only have to find a lover who’ll click!

Our tiny-dicked hero found the song in his dream to be patronizing and did not appreciate it. He wakes up and leaves to buy something from the store, but to his surprise, he ends up kidnapped and in a cell in a secret lair. The cell bars are a bit wide, but not wide enough for anyone to normally slip through.

All the men sharing the cell in the secret lair have huge penises, which prevents them from slipping through. The tiny-dicked hero struggles, but unlike his larger-junked counterparts, manages to slip through and escape. He releases everyone and manages to destroy the hideout.

Women hear of his exploit that was only possible because of his tiny dick. As a beautiful woman flirts with him and says “Mmm, I find guys who take action sexy,” he realizes perhaps the song in his dream wasn’t so patronizing after all.

Porn Plot #4: A Planet Without Men

“All men are gone, AND we get to be rich?”

In the year 2020, thousands of Aliens landed on Earth. They wanted one thing: All the men. So for months and months, using their powerful human-tracking technology, they rounded up all the men they could find and left the earth.

Only one man in the US survived.

The reason is simple: He LOVED oranges. If one ate enough oranges, it would cause an error in the aliens’ trackers and allow you to not show up on their radars.

Being the last man in the US came with much fame and attention from straight women. Our hero was rather good-looking already, but being the last man left in the US had to add to his attractiveness. He realized he could leverage this and became a sex worker.

Women were now allowed to pay to sleep with him. His price? A whole orange, or 8 orange slices.

As you’d imagine, orange farmers quickly became the elite class after this. The free market ruled. They colluded and charged insane rates. One orange slice costed one-hundred US dollars. Likewise, a whole orange costed eight-hundred. Farmers understood that consumers could grow their own oranges, so they only sold seedless ones.

This created a societal issue. Straight women who weren’t wealthy were being denied sex. Working-class women formed an alliance and demanded the farmers break up their collusion and allow oranges to be accessible to the poor again. Lesbians joined them, as many lesbians and asexual women bemoaned about orange juice missing from their daily breakfast.

The farmer elite did not budge. Instead, they raised the prices. They paid television stations and websites to release propaganda about how oranges aren’t a necessity and the poor and middle class don’t deserve oranges. Televangelists began making arguments that oranges only belong to those anointed by God — code for the rich who gained their “anointment” by circumstance and exploitation. Oranges suddenly became an important part of politics.

The election came. Republican Tina Fey became the first female president after a success campaign that targeted mostly white women, who suddenly enjoyed their newfound spot at the top of social hierarchy and wanted to keep it that way. With the feminist mantra “Women should be able to do what they want” that caught on quickly, it had a double meaning — women should be able to do what they want in regards to capital and labor too. She accepted money from the farmers and failed to pass any type of reforms for overpriced oranges.

A revolution began brewing.

Our heroine finally appears — Lehana Jackson. A beautiful black woman who previously ran a street gang concerned with policing in a new man-less world. She suggested that if the farmers don’t play fair, the consumers shouldn’t either.

Her tactics worked. Being a fairly inexperienced elite class, the farmers didn’t have many preventative measures for the things Lehana put into action, such as planting workers in their companies and having them steal the oranges without getting caught. By the time they figured out what was going on, it was too late. Lehana had outsmarted them and had planted and converted hundreds of farm workers across the country. Eventually it reached a point where the farming elite realized they couldn’t prevent it anymore and normalized their prices.

Oranges were affordable again, and the elite lost their power. President Tina Fey’s approval rating went down and a new political party concerned with the working class emerged, ready to take her spot and expose her corruption and cooperation with the farmer elite.

Lehana took an orange to our orange-loving hero and he tells her to keep it. They kiss and make love. Afterwards, he sits at the edge of the bed says “you did well, my love.” and reveals that his plan all along was to realign the elite powers in the US to a lesser experienced and lesser sophisticated elite to allow an easier revolution spearheaded by the woman who was his fiance all along, Lehana.

The End.


Thank You For Reading

Thank you for reading my porn plot ideas. I hope I inspired you all to rethink how you view the world and that we can build a better porn culture together.

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