Musical Healing

Courtney Francis
Jul 28, 2017 · 5 min read

The saying goes ‘God helps those who help themselves’. Us men tend to take this to heart. We power through sensitive situations without thought of the collateral damage to our own mental state. Asking for help is something that we don’t really contemplate often. Why bother someone with our problem? Why be a burden to someone? We convince ourselves that we can handle it on our own. After all, we are men.

The problem is, we forget that we are also human. We forget that our feelings need to be addressed before they’re are internalised. Once they have been buried, they add stress on our souls which affect us in ways that may only become apparent later in life. This may explain why the percentage of black men who commit suicide has been rising in the last decade.

My uncle was the happiest man you could meet. He was a musician that helped nourish my love for music and the life of every family party. When I was in the West End and I heard he died, I broke down and cried in the street. It didn’t make sense to me. Why? What made him think that this was the only way out? That this was next logical step to solve his problem. I couldn’t understand. When I got to the house and looked at how the event took place, I noticed that there was several steps that needed to be completed. At any point, why didn’t he think that this wasn’t a good idea?

Just lean on me, it’s now or never
Don’t you want to see the light or feel the sun?

Losing my uncle really affected me. Thankfully, I had my mother to speak to. But she just lost her brother so I had to be a pillar of strength for her. Months passed and it still weighed on my mind. Coming from a family that would talk about anything, whether you liked it any not, I really didn’t understand. I would see him every other day and he seemed fine. Funny as always. But internally, he was waging a war that he would eventually lose.

After that ordeal, I decided to speak about everything. Anything that bothered me, I would feel no way to let anyone know. The recipient’s feelings came second to my state of mind. Many people hold other people’s feelings ahead of their own. This could be a good thing. The problem comes when there is no one that does it for them. No one that take your feelings into consideration. However, there are people that are willing to help, but simply don’t know that there is anything wrong.

As men, we are taught that being strong is paramount. In my family, when a boy falls over, he’s told to get up, dust off your clothes and carry on. A complete contrast on what the reaction would be for my girl cousins. As men, we are raised to be strong and take care of our own. Sometimes, to the detriment of our own well being. But as I got older and started to engage in different levels of conversation with my uncles, I found that they would talk about everything. All their feelings and fears. As a young man, I looked at my uncles as giants. Immovable objects that are not phased by anything. But on those hot nights during a family trip to Jamaica, the white rum and spiced meats helped these men shed their solid exteriors and became what I would describe as vulnerable. It was weird, but at the same time, refreshing. It confirmed to me that I was doing the right thing.

Sinead Harnett — Chapter One

Another way of keeping myself sane is listening to music. Recently, One of my favourite artists, Sinead Harnett , has released Chapter One. An 8-track mixtape that exudes quality as does all of her music. One track stood out to me. Track 3, Heal You featuring one of the best rappers in the country, Wretch 32.

Watching you sleep
You stayed up telling me your fears
And how this life has done you wrong

Listening to Sinead sing words of empathy, she tells her side of the story that speaks to being a support system for a significant other. She recognises that she may not understand what the person is going through, but continues to offer words of encouragement and her support.

How I wish that I could take it away
But you’re the only one that can help yourself, baby

When it comes to opening up and confiding in a woman, men can find this difficult. It is perceived that women desire a strong man. A man that will be there for them as a protector and provider. The thought of a vulnerable man shedding tears is something that is ridiculed. Terms like Be A Man & Man Up are used to discourage men from being in touch with their feelings and being expressive. In Heal You, Wretch32 constructs a verse that understands the pressure that society places on young men. However, he understands what he needs to stand up and have the strength to carry on. His feelings and emotions need to be acknowledged and help is expected.

Baby if I cried would you respect me?
If not, it’s probably best that you neglect me

It is important that men are aware that being able to communicate their fears and anxiety is very important. However, it is difficult to find someone that is receptive to these demonstrations of emotion. Some women don’t know how to react or worse, react negatively. Resulting in men internalising their pain which can become fatal for themselves and sometimes, others. In this song, Wretch32 recognises this and makes his requirements quite clear. He needs someone who can be there in the good times and the bad and will not distance themselves from him when he is feeling low and desires a shoulder to cry on. Fortunately, Sinead’s verses show that she is willing and able to be a beacon of hope and a pillar of strength.

Harnett, I’m asking you to place me in your harness
If not, I send my best regards babe regardless
Yeah, they say the pain cuts deep
I’m just hoping that Jermaine don’t bleed no, no

Songs help me. They help me think about scenarios that I go through objectively. Music enables me to think about something without applying my own personal variations to a problem. I tend to think clearer when applying my opinion to someone else. Sometimes, my thoughts are clouded when applied to myself. It’s always harder when dealing with pain and truth when it is personal. This is why I love this song. I may not be going through something which relates to this song right now, but in the future, when life presents obstacles that may cause me to go into my shell, it will be songs like this which will help me see the light.

You can listen to Heal You on the album, Chapter One

Courtney Francis

Written by

Music & Portrait Photographer I'm not a writer but I type a lot. Email: Courtney@CourtneyFPhoto.com

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