The Third Act: Living!
An astonishing fact: Two thirds of all the people who have lived past age 65 in the entire history of the world are alive today. In just the last four generations, we’ve added 34 years to our lifespan.
Think about it: that’s an entire second adult lifetime. The fact that we are living so much longer than previous generations is completely transforming maturity. Why is it then, that this period of our lives is generally regarded as nothing but negative, in spite of all its opportunities to apply a boatload of wisdom gained over so many additional years of living? It seems as though it’s always about what’s missing, not what’s coming.
Ken Dychtwald, a psychologist, gerontologist, policy wonk and modern day philosopher gives an interesting and energizing commentary about that stage of life he calls “maturity.” Watch it below.
In it, Dr. Dychtwald observes that throughout life, there are clear expectations of our roles, making the transition from one to another easier. Going off to college, getting married, raising a family, developing a career. But, there are no particular expectations of us once we leave the workforce and enter “retirement.” The message is boiled down to:
“You don’t need to do anything, just enjoy yourself!”
“It’s your time to relax.”
“Don’t be too much of a burden.”
This last one is never spoken, but it’s loud and clear, nevertheless. In fact, earlier versions of the English dictionary defined the word “retire” as “to go away, to disappear, to withdraw.”
It’s tough enough to be told that there’s no real need for your contributions, anymore. Pile onto that the segregated, adult-living communities (with no one under 50 in sight), family members migrating across the country and away from “home” and a higher proportion of single-person households. In fact, 52% of persons over the age of 75 live alone. No wonder 43% of those over 65 report some feelings of loneliness!
Yet, many scientists and philosophers believe that life after the point of traditional “retirement” is its own developmental stage of life. Jane Fonda is a great example of that point of view. She’s overcome the expectations and challenges of life in her 60s and 70s, not by romanticizing it (she freely acknowledges her joint replacements and how she needs to adjust accordingly) but by focusing on what’s ahead of her, in her “third act” as she calls it.
I’m in Jane’s camp. I disagree with the notion that once we “retire” we should strap in for the downhill ride.
Getting started → Learning → Living
The way I see it, the first act in life is getting our feet wet: childhood and adolescence. Call it “getting started.” The second act is all about the trials and tribulations of early adulthood — career, family and all the mistakes we make the first time around. Call it “learning.” The third act is about taking advantage of the wisdom we’ve acquired in earlier life and getting it right this time. Call it “living.” For some, it starts in our 40s and for others, we don’t get around to it until our 7th decade! Jane isn’t alone in her thinking about the third act, but she explains it beautifully. Here’s her TED talk; have a look!
Too often, we focus only on one tiny slice of the third act — the part that presents challenges to overcome so that we can go on with living. The focus is on deficits, what’s missing, what’s not working quite right.
“She’s slowing down.”
“His knees make steps too hard.”
Instead of defining our lives around our deficits, we can define our lives around what we CAN do, what we bring to the table (after all, who else has this much wit and wisdom?).
The third act is not so much about aging as it is about living!
It takes creativity, drive, even courage to expand beyond people’s expectations of what your third act should look and sound like. You are your own playwright for your third act. Let your imagination soar!
This is the second in a series of articles about how we at Indigo think about aging in our culture. We invite discovery of many wonderful things in life, in the belief that purpose in life is the antidote to loneliness. Be part of our community at helloindigo.com
