I’m a River That’s Meant for Flowing
Since moving out to Denver, I have come to realize the harsh truth that one of my pastors shared with me about starting a church. He told me that it would be the closest thing to Heaven and Hell that I would ever experience.
Now the church hasn’t even officially launched yet, but that doesn’t mean that whispers of inadequacy and the sense of being alone haven’t crept in. It is quite the paradox to be able to have full faith in being where you are supposed to be, and doing what you are supposed to be doing, yet feel like you are drowning at the same time. It’s easy to romanticize your calling without taking into account any of the hardships that come from walking it out.
I think people are so desperate to find their purpose in life that they don’t count the cost of the realization of it. We skim over such verses as Acts 9:16.
“For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.”
We yearn to be in the will of God, but when His will is for us to be in the valleys instead of the mountains, we pray He would take us out. We thought we’d experience wholeness, but we feel broken. Yet it is in that brokenness that God can do the most work. Like Jacob, we strive with God until He touches our hip socket. We go from wrestling with God to clinging onto God.
This is where we are operating in the purest form of who we were created to be. When we cling to God we surrender our own vision of how we believe our life is supposed to be. Instead of trying to orchestrate the direction the current takes us, we just naturally let the Holy Spirit guide the water trickling down the stream. We become the river that flows from the throne of God that brings life and restoration. When we let go of our ideal life, God will reveal His perfect plan that used all the doubt, all the brokenness in our lives, to impact the people that are waiting at the end of the stream to taste the living water.
“I’m a river that’s meant for flowing
I’m a moon that’s meant for lighting the night
I’m the wind that’s loud and soaring
I’m a tree that’s tall and growing
I’m a fire that lights whatever’s in sight
I’m the rain that’s fast and pouring.”
— Kye Kye- Walking This