Eat your Heart Out, Molly Bloom

(Parody of James Joyce’s Molly Bloom monologue from his novel Ulysses)

When you have those days when you just can’t stop eating and you know you shouldn’t have bought £7 worth of Turkish Delight from the man at Spitalfields, yes, but you couldn’t resist and now you’re regretting it because you’re so full and your heart is beating faster from the sugar and yes you’re pretty sure that your body composition is now 70% Turkish Delight but you still can’t stop because it taste so good and you’re very aware that you haven’t been watching your diet recently and you’re telling yourself ‘come on now, don’t do this or you’ll hate yourself, you’ll do damage which won’t be easily reversed’, and you know the voice is right, yes, that having your jeans fitting a little tighter is no biggie, that yes you can lose a few pounds in a fortnight but once that scale is tipped it’s so much harder to get back in shape, you tell yourself you don’t want to get fat, your self esteem couldn’t cope with that and you hate that that’s true, and yes even though you know this, even though you don’t want to get bigger and you know eating lots of lovely sugary goodies will only make you gain weight you still can’t stop chewing that delicious rose flavoured ooze, each powdered cube tastes better than the last and you can’t stop now because there’s only two left now, yes, you must finish them, yes, get rid of them, yes, get rid of the evidence, what Turkish Delight? yes I ate it all, each piece was divine and yes, fat and sad I shall inevitably become, but yes, yes, yes.