Ladies: Here’s The Reason Why Your “Biological Clock” Obsession is Working Against You
It’s close to midnight on your thirtieth birthday and instead of celebrating with friends, you’re at home crying your soul out. No matter how hard you try you can’t seem to find your niche in life. In addition to not finding YOUR niche, you haven’t found anyone to share it with (you know, when you do find it.) You’re single (divorced or otherwise) and you’re childless. Or maybe you’re a single mother, looking to get married but the right guy hasn’t come along. Last but not least, you could be a career woman who doesn’t have the time to raise a family but in the back of your mind you feel you should have had this done by now. Whatever the case may be, you believe you’re behind the eight ball and I’m here to tell you that you simply are not.
Since childhood, we’ve been taught that women ought to marry, become mothers and raise families. On top of this pre-planned life set out for you during your easy bake oven days, having a successful career has been added to the mix and many women realize they don’t have this either. Working a regular 9–5 has become the norm and a lot of us are just going through the motions. Wake up, clock in, clock out, go home, maybe go on a dead end date and go to sleep just to do it all over again. It’s tiring.
In China a woman is most desirable in her early 20s. If she isn’t married by 30, she is considered a, “leftover” woman. When I found this out, my heart ached for these women. Women over 30 still have feelings and still want to be loved. While the culture in America isn’t as strict (openly), the stigma with women needing to accomplish these goals by a certain age still lingers in the air. It’s like a silent agreement between men and women, young and old; Get married young lady, get married. No one will want you if you’re old. No one will want you if you’re old and you have children. No one wants the independent career woman… it all lingers. We’ve been conditioned.
Trying to live up to society’s “standards,” and run its rat race can be exhausting and draining. Yes you’re thirty and single but that doesn’t mean that life is over for you. You still have time. Your life’s journey is unique to YOU. No one can tell you when the time is right for you to take these serious steps.
In my own experience, being married at the age of twenty-four, I had my reservations when it came to having children. Everyone thought because we were married the next step was to have children. A lot of people do this, but it doesn’t mean every couple wants to do this.
At the time we just wanted to enjoy each other. Looking back, I’m glad we didn’t have children because the relationship took a really bad turn and bringing a child into the picture would’ve been mentally damaging for them. I may not have children right now but I’m laced with motherly instincts. I’m going to protect my children at all costs. This involves bringing my children into a healthy and stable situation. Too many of us have been subjected to dysfunction at an early age. I refuse.
Now I’m 29, on my own revisiting ME. I’m happier, stronger and better but I’ve felt the pressure of being on society’s time clock. Almost 30 with no kids, no man and no house with the white picket fence and puppy ? Unheard of. Or is it? Over the last year or two I’ve been meeting women who are either single or divorced, mothers or not. I’m not meeting a lot of happily married women with children. That’s not to say it isn’t out there, I’m just saying I’m not seeing it as often. We’re all experiencing life in different ways.
When we place these expectations on ourselves we begin to rob ourselves of enjoying life in the moment. There’s nothing wrong with goals, I’m a firm believer in setting goals and reaching them. The trouble comes in when you diminish your worthiness as a woman because certain goals aren’t reached at a certain time. More trouble comes in when we look down on other women for not being married, not having having children or not having a six figure career at a certain time. We have to stop this.
Meeting someone to spend your life with and ultimately bring other little souls into the world with, takes TIME. Everyone isn’t going to marry their high school sweetheart. Everyone isn’t going to make it on their first marriage. It’s okay. It’s life. Take whatever lessons you can learn from each situation, apply it, grow and MOVE ON. Stop being hard on yourself sis, live life in the moment and enjoy yourself.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we are all on our own personal journeys. While we may share similar experiences, each of us have different lessons to learn. We can’t expect our lives to be like the next person’s life. That’s not our journey and we were built to handle the life experience that is designed specifically for us. Live, learn and love…. ON YOUR OWN TIME.