Why a Mindset Coach Might be What You Want
“To create something exceptional, your mindset must be relentlessly focused on the smallest detail.”
Giorgio Armani
Mindset. We all have one about the different areas of our lives, about most topics. It’s a formula of experiences + emotions + interpretations + beliefs + mindset + attitude = reactions and responses.
When it comes to mindset and we don’t currently have the one we feel is helpful to our best life, what do we do? Many are able to program it as they wish to get the results they want. Not all of us find that process that simple or doable on our own. So, then what?
We can consider innovating ourselves. So what does this mean, innovating ourselves? Here’s a formal definition of innovating: “make changes in something established, especially by introducing new methods, ideas, or products.”
Ideas. Methods. New.
“Innovation requires an experimental mindset.”
Denise Morrison
Are you willing to “innovate” you to get from where you are to where you want to go, where you want to be? Are you willing to innovate to cross the bridge? Many are, many more aren’t?
Yet sometimes in life, the only way to breakthrough our psychological discomfort and pain is to cross that bridge and that means we have to institute new ideas and methods.
The good news is we get to choose. Trial and error. Perseverance. Sometimes, simple fixes. Often, repeated failings until we achieve breakthrough.
When we can’t or don’t want to do it on our own, there are many choices. There are people available to help us. They have different mindsets of their own, different approaches and methods.
I recently interviewed Vandana Mohture, a mindset coach, to learn more about what she does and how she does it. A very generous, kind person. This is one view on personal development. See what you think. Here’s what she told me (in article form):
Why a Mindset Coach Might be What You Want
by Michael Toebe
When people struggle to create personal growth for desired achievement or overcome the psychology and behavior that they believe plagues their lives, they often get stuck, unsure of what to do.
Since behavior is driven by the workings within our mind as far as experiences, trauma, fears, beliefs and attitudes, it makes sense that the more one understands their brain’s programming, the more effective they have a chance to be, either on their own or with assistance.
Is mindset coaching a trustworthy approach and process that can help people?
“Let me start by explaining ‘what is coaching,’” Vandana Mohture, a mindset coach, says. “It identifies where the individual is currently in their lives, where they want to be, what choices they have for closing the gaps and finally what they will commit to.”
A benefit of coaching is that anyone who chooses that path retains autonomy in decision making and actions.
“A coach…doesn’t have all the answers but has the skill of asking powerful, intuitive questions which facilitates the client in seeking their own answers from within,” Mohture says. “The client is in the driving seat when it comes to coaching and the results depend on the actions taken by the client.”
When someone is living a pattern, in a behavioral loop so to speak, of destructive or self destructive behavior, or both, and are resistant to breaking that pattern, a person may not be a strong candidate for coaching yet that isn’t always an absolute. Mohture believes opportunity can still exist.
“By creating more pain around the same: the destructive or self-destructive pattern. When I say create more pain, I mean making the client realize what this behavior is costing them,” she says.
“By basic human nature, we will do more to avoid pain than we will do to feel pleasure. When the clients are in a comfort zone, they believe anything outside their comfort zone will be painful. What if they start believing that pleasure is outside their comfort zone and inside is pain?”
This is not easily accomplished or always effective yet certainly remains possible and does work with some people through the use of questions, patience to listen and a person skillfully, mentally processing their emotions, experiences and beliefs.
“‘What will happen if you keep going down this path,’ ‘What will be the consequences of keeping this behavior,’ ‘What are you tolerating,’ ‘What is the benefit of this choice.’ All these questions are making the clients introspect and become aware of what they are putting themselves through,” Mohture says.
“Once it is established that the behavior is causing them pain,” she adds, “then create leverage by displaying how the status quo is more painful than the pain of going through the change.”
Some people will shut down within the process or disengage for a variety of reasons yet respectful questions can help connect in a way that directives can’t.
“Some questions that can help here are ‘What is the most important reason for this change,’ ‘Why is it important for you,’ ‘If you were to do this differently, how would it be,’ and ‘How could you turn this around,’” Mohture asks.
If someone does find the process worth engaging in and does so, clarity can emerge and with it, the beginning of a foundation for which to communicate, in greater trust and possible collaboration.
What this process can create, Mohture says, is a vital piece of the puzzle for helping someone find their intrinsic motivation.
“Once you know the compelling reason — ‘why’ — then you move them to a space where they can see how much they can gain by choosing to move forward,” she says.
At this point, Mohture focuses on helping someone paint a picture for themselves, an attractive, desirable one.
“Here the questions can be ‘What will this allow you to do,’ ‘What would other people notice about you,’ ‘What would you think about yourself,’ ‘What will you no longer be tolerating,’’ she says.
This process might seem tedious, challenging and overwhelming yet since people almost as a rule want to feel heard and understood, it can help someone discover what’s meaningful to them and see how growth can help them feel autonomy on the way to reaching for, achieving and acquiring what they want more of and less of what they don’t want in their life.
“This flow helps them understand how they have the power to make things work in their favor,” Mohture says. “By further questioning, we come up with an action plan that can be implemented immediately. The clients must have a 100 percent commitment to the plan. The more consistent they are, the more success they will achieve.”
Emotions can prove to block achievement, even when badly desired. Overcoming these blocks when people are excited about success can prove challenging. People have often fallen short time and time again on their own and develop a lack of confidence and false beliefs.
Mohture believes there is a common thread when this happens with people.
“When the clients say they want more in life but they resist moving towards it, it’s usually because of fear. They fear that they are not enough, which leads to a lack of self-trust and ultimately stops them from taking action,” she says.
“When people do not trust themselves, they do not trust the world. They do not trust their ability to handle what may happen. They choose to see the worst case; feel bad about challenges they didn’t even try to overcome and beat themselves up for it. That’s how they get stuck in self-created blocks,” she has found.
There is a way to work to discover what is creating that psychological resistance.
“Typically, in a coaching session whatever the client mentions as an issue at first is never the actual issue. As coaches, we keep pushing for what is called the ‘boundary condition,’ where the client comes to say ‘I don’t know, I can’t tell, or just stays quiet,’” Mohture says.
“This means now you are making the client think beyond his line of thinking. You keep chunking down further till you reach the underlying cause, which in most cases is one of the universal fears.”
Mindset coaching could prove beneficial as well when people are in an emotional state of deep distress, in a professional and personal crisis of reputation. Resiliency might be strongly desired yet it might not be as easy a choice as assumed.
“To start the process of resiliency, one must sit with himself, really understand what emotion he is feeling. Acknowledge it. Look at the situation practically, for what it is. What has happened is in the past, no one knows what the future holds,” Mohture says.
She focuses instead of adjusting thinking, reframing how the crisis and resilience are being viewed.
“What you have is right now. You might not have figured out everything yet, you might be feeling fear within but ask yourself what is the one thing that I can do to make it right?”
The “one thing” might not be top of mind due to the complexity and intensity of emotions we are feeling in distress and crisis yet Mohture says that behind that confusion of our psychological state is the desired insight.
“You would know, we always know. We just don’t want to listen to it,” she says. “Do that next right thing, move forward, no matter how small the step. Every step will lead you to another.”
How can people learn to overcome psychological challenges when in a crisis of reputation? There are keys to successfully accessing a resilient approach.
“It is very important to understand what reputation means to the client,” Mohture says. “What value have they attached to it and ‘why,’ what does having a good reputation means to them? How would they like it to be now and ‘why?’”
Mohture believes the resistance people often experience serves some purpose, even if it is not helpful.
“We always hold on to feelings, either to avoid pain or to gain pleasure. Why are they holding on to these emotions of denial, regret, shame, fear and anger,” she asks?
That curiosity, those questions, that approach are critical to determine to learn the psychological drivers that are preventing the mindset and behavior that are beneficial.
“How is this behavior serving them? Deep down inside we know what we do and why we do, but we never want to accept that and hence our mind starts creating stories around it,” Mohture says.
The answers are vital to learn in the coaching process if someone is to pursue the course of resilience.
“Once the client is made aware of this mindset and understands why they have been following certain patterns, its then possible to shift them towards the new goal of not worrying about what people think, but what they think,” Mohture says. “They will still have to put in all the effort, but now self-awareness gives them a sense of control.”
That sense of control can be uplifting, empowering and the fuel that drives someone, and more strongly, towards the goal and in this case, resilience.
“I would like to recommend a book by Stephen R Covey called ‘The 4 Disciplines of Execution,’ Mohture says, “which gives you the power to execute on your most important goals in the face of competing priorities and distractions.”
When it comes to remaining focused during coaching especially when frustration and impatience might (and often does) set in, Mohture says this is a point where someone must go back to the early part of the coaching process to remind them of the questions that were asked and answered, the discovery that occurred, the decisions and the autonomous commitments that were made and ‘why’.
Mohture doesn’t hesitate when pointing to what is the difference maker when people start to fall off course for the reasons mentioned above or other reasons.
“The ‘why,’ “ she exclaims. “If your ‘why’ is big enough, you will figure out the ‘how.’ It is vital that when you decide on a goal, you relate it to your higher purpose, to your cause, to your truth.”
Mohture stresses just how important intrinsic motivation is and how there is no replacement.
“No external influence can motivate you as much as your inner drive. If you create a positive association around your goal to something that resonates with your calling, no amount of failure will stop you,” she says.
A success plan has many vital, moving parts yet Mohture summarizes the path.
“Your ‘want or need’ will get you started, your discipline and consistency will keep you going and your ‘why’ will keep you motivated. What you do in the space of uncertainty will determine your success,” she says.
Michael Toebe is a specialist for reputation and crisis communications and relations, serving organizations and high-profile individuals. He writes the Reputation Times weekly newsletter on LinkedIn (now published as well on Medium), the Michael Toebe Newsletter (links published on Twitter), broadcasts the Reputation Talk podcast (Anchor, Google Podcasts and Spotify) and is the author of the manuscript Reputation Crisis, a Conversational, Professional, Problem-Solving Guide. Connect on LinkedIn and Twitter.
