Wordsmithery Saves Free Speech

In a bold move from the Trump administration, by executive order, 7 words were banned from CDC. This news has spread like wildfire, so we don’t really have to go over it again and again.

Some fear that this ban will limit the CDC from communicating policies that protect American’s rights. But never fear, where politics falters and fails — art and comedy are always there to save you. This is a little bit of a manifesto perhaps. A little bit of fun. And a lot serious. Get out your brainstorming materials, because we’re going to start the Big-7-Word Euphemism Challenge #Big7Words. You’re going to harness all your tools as a comedy writer and wordsmith (even and especially if you didn’t think you have any) to point out to the CDC and to the Trump administration that words have power, and you can’t ban all of them.

Take out your thesaurus, dictionary, Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary, whatever you have handy. And get cracking on some serious political satire and comedy. Here goes:

The CDC needs to protect desirable unborn children, for example, from diseases and the effects of certain medical treatments that may harm them, but they are not allowed to talk about it by name. The very need to use the terms “unborn child” or “pre-term infant” will theoretically humanize the post-coital genetic mergers of the world and may theoretically make them seem like prototypical pre-humans of some type. However, some people are opposed to having unwanted bi-human blood suckers in their uterus, or may have had an unwanted sperm-insertion and invasion resulting in a gestational predicament and will want to abort. These parasitical womb tumors, when undesirable, are fairly easy to remove so that the host can return back to earning money, paying taxes, and other normal endeavors. Many people want their rights to being unburdened contributors to society protected, and do not want the disabilities and potential risks associated with bearing the alien genetic tissues in their body.

In other news, misgendered persons who are oppressed by the established patriarchy have difficulties enough acquiring assistance with gender correction activites without banning the words associated with their predicament. These parties suffer from various gender role misassignments that hobble their activities of daily living, and are in need of services and of course safe refuge from the patriarchy that wants to continue to force them into specific roles and assignments against their nature and against their will.

We have many much more powerful, real, funny, revealing, ways to talk about things. Simple words are sanitized, but if they take the sanitized words like “fetus” that is a simple noun with less connotation away, then we can always provide far more colorful — and accurate—language to describe a specific or general situation to our satisfaction.

So let’s quit using the shortcut label that lubricates a situation and instead go for the verbal jugular and really spell out the situation in grave and pain-staking detail. We could even go so far as using vulgar words that bring up uncomfortable mental images for the persons who are limiting our speech, so long as our friends do not become the victims of said language. In fact, we can ask them to help us with alternative language (oh, sounds a lot like “alternative facts”) to help us along.

Let’s rally on social media, especially on Twitter, with our best “alternative language” for the #Big7Words. Have fun with it.

In case you need a reference sheet, the words forbidden for the CDC budget committee are: “fetus,” “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”