How to handle porn in the 21st Century

There is so much controversy about it, and I get it, I have watched a lot of porn and have seen some horrible material which the likes of Gail Dines, talks about. Her book Pornland is a compelling read and could turn any pro porn advocate into a quivering wreck, especially grown ups with children. I read her book and thought, Christ! What world have I brought my children into?! Coincidently, around that time, whenever I tried to read the news on my phone, I kept getting some invasion of a gigantic cock fucking some arse, popping up on my screen. And no, I hadn’t been watching porn on my phone. So, yes, I really did think, jeez the world, whilst I have been away having babies, has indeed gone mad.

However, whilst reading the book, I kept thinking, but what about the LGBTQ community? Dines does specifically state, that the Gay community has its own set of codes and conduct, therefore she doesn’t discuss it in the book. This explanation didn’t stand up for me, how can you possibly claim porn to be an abomination when you don’t address ALL types of porn, merely a selected range of ‘violent’ porn. So, back in 2013, I embarked on some research and wrote a nice paper about it (to be published soon btw).

I discovered many ranges of ‘violent’ porn, which I discussed in my paper, but today I want to touch on a few of the lovely porn sites I found:

Louise Lush’s site, www.BrightDesire.com uses the loveliest language I have heard, the men calling the women gorgeous and other such terms of endearment. It seems to me the Louise Lush’s focus is connection. This site I always recommend to my straight friends, they love it. My two favourite films on this site are ‘Dear Jiz’ and Zahra Stardust’s ‘Open Letter’.

Jiz Lee’s site www.jizlee.com contains the coolest images. Jiz is a hero of mine, I think Jiz is hot for starters, but I see Jiz as storming the way for an openness in being queer and giving women the right to be sexy and hairy. Jiz totally rocks. Jiz works closely with Shine Louise Houston over at the Crash Pad Series and the porn they create, is really quite beautiful. Again, I see great, positive language and connection between the partners (some are real life partners). http://crashpadseries.com/

Courtney Trouble also rocks for me because she is a big, gorgeous woman who stars in and creates her own porn. http://courtneytrouble.com/ She promotes queer porn and her site www.transgrrrl.com obviously, focuses on transgender porn stars. If I had to use the word gritty, I would say Courtney’s porn, or some of it, is gritty, but don’t get me wrong, it is awesome and there is a great deal of respect and connection going on in her porn.

Cindy Gallop is changing the face of porn, with her www.makelovenotporn.com and refusing to accept that amateur porn should be conceived as anything less than professional. See her interview here for her full explanation on the subject. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-goodman/interview-with-cindy-gall_b_2668800.html

These porn producers are just the tip of the iceberg. I have no doubt that when I say, I see connection and empowerment in these porn films, someone will come along and say it is degrading and revolting. That’s fine, we all have sex differently and we all seek connection in different ways.

I think the biggest issue which has to change with porn, is that people need to start talking to the kids about it, in an open and pragmatic fashion. It has been stated that porn is the biggest source of sex education for youngsters. It was for me too. I didn’t have any grown ups talking to me about porn, apart from my brother sending me gay porn mags, which was COOL! Nobody told me how to have sex, I learnt it in my own way, and our kids will do the same, they will seek out porn.

We can’t ban porn, not that I think we should, but for those who think we should, porn has always existed, just like religion. To ban it would drive it underground anyway, it will still exist, but we will have less control of over and the individuals, working in porn production companies which have a culture of intimidation, will suffer greatly. We won’t be able to protect them.

I do believe that the answer in society is for all the shame and embarrassment surrounding sex and sexuality to stop.

Can we change the status quo? From , oh, no, we don’t talk about the action of sex with our kids, to something like, hey guys, porn exists, penis, vaginas, cunts, cocks whatever you want to call them, they exist, let’s talk about it!

Sure the youngsters will be mortified that mum or dad want to talk about porn, but at least they will sense a healthy attitude towards sex and they may even come back and ask questions. We can tell them that some porn they will watch will be terrifying. We can talk to them about consent. We could help them find other individuals they can identify with. We could have a healthy conversation about SEX.

As a final note; I am not sure I buy into all this latest hysteria on porn addiction and the addict’s inability to connect with their partner. I think humans are pretty good at disconnecting from each other without the help of porn anyway. I think certain political agendas are using porn as a scapegoat. I believe there are a ton of other reasons as to why a person becomes an ‘addict’ to anything, rather than simply blaming the object of their ‘desires’, be it porn, or drugs for that matter. I wonder, what is really going on?