For me, it would be a relapse. I totally understand this feeling. It’s not easy. It’s most likely going to be a life-long battle. And none of us are experts. Even those in long-term abstinence feel like failures.
This is how I would describe being addicted to drugs. As an addict, in recovery, it is a battle I would wish on no one.
I have been sober 10 years from crack cocaine and still have days where I struggle with defeating thoughts and urges.
I can relate. Since gaining 100 lbs in less than a year… I feel that even shopping for groceries is a maze of wheeling my cart past people who look to see what is in my cart.
God forbid Brian throws vsnilla ice cream in there. It’s almost humiliating.
What’s worse is that so many people think it should be humiliating.
No one asks us what it feels like to be “us”… I think most people feel this way. Even those more privileged may have difficult lives. I have found that ehen we share our truths we are often called out for them. They are still our truths.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. How heart-breaking this time of your life must have been. I’m glad you’ve found love again. It’s wonderful to maintain that energy and connection with your first husband.