25 Plot Holes in “Star Wars” Consigning Its Makers to the Depths of Hell

Forget denying the Holy Spirit; these goofs can never be forgiven.

Any film has its own set of blunders. That’s understandable. But recently Star Wars mania has been gripping the globe, and one of the symptoms appears to be ignoring some pretty egregious plot holes. It’s not that we need everything in our movies to be tied up in a neat little bow; but is it too much to ask for to make even a little sense at all? These problems are so bad that the writers will burn forever in Gehenna, gnawed by the worm.

Search your feelings, fanboys, you know these to be true:

1. Darth Vader says that the Death Star pales in comparison to the Force. Problem is, we clearly see the Death Star blow up a planet. The Force can only lift stuff. Way to make the villain look like an idiot.

2. Why use a Death Star at all? First off, it’s more like a moon, not a star (did nobody read the script?). Second, why do they need to blow up the entire planet? Why not just scorch it with orbital strikes? Oh right, because it’s scary. That makes sense. Not!

3. Yoda is a legendary Jedi and warrior. Until we learn that he’s only a foot tall and a million years old. How does he kill enemies? Jump on his little legs? Try not to break a hip!

4. Why does Uncle Owen reprimand Luke for wanting to see his friends? Luke clearly just said he wanted to pick up power converters, not hang out. Is Tosche Station a place to hang out? This isn’t explicitly said. Why not?

5. Why does the Empire use fast moving bikes on a planet covered in trees? That seems pretty dangerous, especially when they have space ships. The entire speeder bike chase had me seething in rage.

6. Where are the alien stormtroopers? We see good aliens like Chewbacca and Admiral Ackbar, but the Empire has no rancor stormtroopers or anything. It makes the rebels seem like a unified diverse group against a faceless conformist machine, which seems unfair.

7. Why doesn’t Darth Vader get plastic surgery? You’re telling me that he’s second in command of this sci-fi empire, but he can’t get a face lift and some hair plugs? Quite the hole in logic.

8. Obi-Wan is supposed to be a former general, according to Leia’s hologram. So where are his medals, his uniform? He’s living in a hut in the desert! What, is Darth Vader still mad at him? It’s been twenty years, Darth. Kind of an unrealistically long grudge.

9. What the- Kessel Run? Clone Wars? Jedi Knights? Senate? The movie throws about a dozen bits of lore at you and expects you to know what they all mean. Do I need a pen and paper to keep track of all this? Is there a test?

10. When R2-D2 gets spit out by the swamp monster on Dagobah, Luke tells the droid that “you’re lucky you don’t taste very good.” This is a real three-for-one plot hole. First, Jedi don’t believe in luck; did Luke forget that? Second, the monster could have spit out R2 for multiple reasons, like being too hard to chew. Third, how does Luke know what R2 tastes like? Did he try to eat him before?

11. The Emperor is an old man. When he arrives at the second Death Star (still a moon, Lucasfilm! Nice try!), there are about a thousand Stormtroopers there. This guy wants to blow up planets and is totally evil. Nobody should like him. If even one Stormtrooper grabbed him they could toss his old butt out into space, and then they’d be Emperor, I assume. The script sloppily ignores imperial succession law.

12. When Obi-Wan dies, he disappears instead of being cut in half. At first brush, yet another egregious attempt at sanitizing for the kiddies. Unless — ah! — a blatant attempt at showing that Kenobi isn’t truly dead as we know it. Speaking of which, “more powerful than you can imagine?” Obi-Wan becomes a ghost! Ghosts can’t even hold swords like he could when he was alive. Nice blunder, D’oh-Bi-Wan!

13. When the Death “Star”s blow up, shouldn’t it kill everyone on Yavin and Endor? It’s called “science” fiction for a reason, folks.

14. Why light sabers? If you can make light just stop in midair (sigh), why not make it like 12 feet long, to surprise someone expecting a normal sword length? And why not just shoot them with a gun, from farther away? Since when, before this movie, has science fiction had laser swords? Please tell me, I need direct precedent to instruct me how to process data

15. Leia tells Tarkin that the Rebel base is on Dantooine. We learn later that there was a base there, but abandoned for some time. It makes no sense for a big deal in the Alliance like Leia to have bad info. Unless we’re to assume she lied… not very heroic or princess-like behavior.

16. Why doesn’t the Wampa kill and eat Luke first? Instead it eats the tauntaun. Luke is smaller, so he’d be like an appetizer, which you eat first.

17. Luke shuts off his targeting computer. What if he missed? Wouldn’t the computer at least help? And for that matter, Skywalker has had maybe an hour’s training in the Force, getting zapped in the shins and failing. And now the ex-farmboy can just guide big torpedoes into the port? Tough luck for Obi-Wan, who spent his whole life training and could only make noises and fool Stormtroopers.

18. Where’s the scene where Leia mourns Alderaan? We don’t even get to see the people there before it blows up, and we’re expected to feel scared of the Death ““Star”” now? There’s no emotional stakes!

19. How does Han Solo understand Chewbacca? He’s clearly just growling. There’s not enough there for detailed information. Nobody turns to the camera and makes a wacky surprised face, so we’re supposed to accept this is normal. Same with R2-D2’s beeps, which Luke can somehow understand out of nowhere after Hoth. What, did he just learn? Speaking of which…

20. How does Luke know how to fly? There’s a throwaway line about T16 Skyhoppers, and then an ex-farmboy can fly a military grade fighter ship with no training? Can you say, “Gary Stu?” Who trained him to fly? If he could fly before, why couldn’t he just fly away into space and leave his family if he was so sad about living in a desert? Mastery in the Force doesn’t equal common sense, we see.

21. Why is there a monster in the trash compactor? You’d think it’d be crushed with the trash. And also, they’re on a space station. Where did a monster come from? Also, sure is lucky that the princess came up with the trash chute plan before the hardened smuggler… as if that makes sense.

22. Do we really have time for awards? The Rebels just blew up the Death MOON and the Empire is sure to be mad. I guess this is time to pin a medal on an ex-farmboy. Where did Leia get that dress, anyway? What, is there a dress shop on Yavin?

23. Why did Luke burn Darth Vader’s body on Endor? If he wanted to burn his body, he could have just left him on the Death Moon to burn when it blew up.

24. Why can the Emperor shoot lightning from his hands? We’ve never seen that Force power before, and suddenly it appears with no foreshadowing or explanation? Weak. Even a simple line from Vader like, “My master has quite the shocking personality,” would have gone a long way.

25. Why does Vader not kill Luke, and the rest? Instead he lets Han go to Jabba the Hutt, and just keeps Leia alive for some reason. And then he doesn’t kill Luke, he just talks to him! If there’s something I missed here (especially why the Empire is so concerned with an ex-farmboy who just got a lucky shot) then that’s on the filmmakers for making it so confusing.

So there you have it. These are only the worst of the worst; plenty more lurk in the script, a hive of scum and villainy. I’m sure I’ve pushed a few young apprentices to “the Dark Side” by daring to criticize the hot new thing. No, I don’t care if there’s some book or action figure box that explains some of these. It should have been in the film itself. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with expecting higher standards from writing.

May the Force be with you and prosper.

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