Normally, this is where I would share my thoughts on dumb gun control examples that are cited from true cases in the media. Today, you’re in for a treat: gun nut fantasy.
Imagine asking someone why we shouldn’t get rid of guns, or at least create better legislation to control them so they don’t kill so many people every day. The person responds to you on Facebook with a list of true cases in which they claim gun ownership would have prevented tragedies. These are real cases, real people, and they are politicizing the suffering of real victims.
MARSHAL LAW
INT. SUBURBAN HOME
TV is playing a football game. BUCK STUPID is reclined way back in his overstuffed chair, beer in hand, remote in the other. The room is adorned with various hunting trophies, photos of family, some sports memorabilia. The television is set high on top of the fireplace.
TV: EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM: This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the ANNUAL MARSHAL LAW sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during MARSHAL LAW. All other weapons are restricted.
BUCK STUPID drops the remote, pulls a lever on the side of his recliner, sitting bolt upright in one violent motion.
BUCK: Glenda, it’s time!
GLENDA (V.O.): That’s nice, dear.
BUCK carefully places his beer on the side table and stands up, breathing heavily.
EXT. SUBURBS — AERIAL
A drone’s eye aerial view of the neighborhood where BUCK STUPID lives. We see that BUCK and several of his neighbors have emerged from their homes. Those that are armed have red squares around their bodies and a number next to them to track them as armed combatants.
SOLDIER (V.O.): We have armed civilians taking to the streets on the corner of Neibolt street and Kaspbrak street.
Another drone soars through the sky, taking aim at the civilians and readying its hellfire missile.
EXT. SUBURBS — OUTSIDE BUCK’S HOME
BUCK STUPID takes aim with his AR-15 rifle and fires a magic bullet that goes thirty thousand feet into the air, annihilating both drones (don’t worry about where they crash land and how many houses burn).
BUCK’S NEIGHBOR shouts NICE ONE, BUCK!
BUCK STUPID: WOLVERINES!
BUCK jumps in his pickup truck and drives down the street, truck nuts akimbo.
EXT. WEST MONTROSE COVERED BRIDGE
Two SOLDIERS are having a cigarette, talking next to their Humvee.
Down the street, BUCK STUPID emerges from his truck.
BUCK: Those communist nazi socialist bastards.
BUCK readies his AR-15 and burps out a number of rounds.
SOLDIER #1 falls to the ground, killed instantly.
SOLDIER #2 dives for cover behind the Humvee.
BUCK: WOLVERINES!
SOLDIER #2 is speaking into his walkie-talkie calling for backup.
BUCK rounds the corner and shoots SOLDIER #2.
BUCK: America, motherfucker!
BUCK lowers his rifle and slowly slumps to the ground clutching his left arm, he dies of a heart attack.
INT. MIDWESTERN KITCHEN
WOMAN is washing dishes in front of a window that looks out on the front of her property. She notices a black car turning into the driveway. She drops a dish into the sink.
MAN looks up from his iPad or newspaper or whatever.
MAN: What’s wrong?
WOMAN cries quietly.
TWO MEN emerge from the black vehicle.
INT. MIDWESTERN FOYER
A knock on the closed door.
BROTHER OF SOLDIER #2 greets TWO MEN.
TWO MEN: We have some unfortunate news, may we come in?
TWO MEN sit in the living room and provide news to the family that less than twelve hours ago, SOLDIER #2 has been killed in action.
Somewhere in America two more men are visiting with the family of SOLDIER #1.
