The Church of HRC Strikes Back

Cud Blay
Cud Blay
Aug 8, 2017 · 3 min read

Mending the Separation of Church and State

Once we establish the Church of Hillary R. Clinton, here is the sequence of events:
1. Raise funds as a tax-deductible PAC
2. Identify employees and set salaries
3. Create a plan to pay off the student loans and medical debt of all members of the church
4. Create parcel contracts to hire local journalists in red states with a The Holy Charter of HRC
5. Create a fiscal plan to ensure that completed parcel contracts are collected, paid for, and then published on The Church’s CHURCH IN THE FIELD website

The Holy Charter of HRC

Local journalists are to be hired on a contract basis and tasked with using a list of questions to interview people in their home towns.

  • We will need to verify participation by collecting identifying information for those interviewed
  • We will pay those interviewed for their participation as well
  • The interview questions will all be election-related, here are some examples:
    - Did you vote in the 2016 election?
    - Where did you vote? (describe in details like, at a local high school)
    - Did you receive a receipt of any kind after you voted?
    - Are you able to verify that your vote was accurately counted?
    - How do you feel about that?

The intent of the interview is to incite people on the street to think about how their elections are handled. To question their voting technology and whether their vote is counted. And, to inspire voters to participate in election reform at the local level.

Once we get an obscene amount of money and we have scheduled the debt reconciliation of all members, we will look toward how we can influence legislation and intervene in political campaigns. We will do this with parcel payments which will have transparent results so that anyone interested in how our Church of Hillary R. Clinton has influenced the State will be readily available.

Maybe we’ll buy some hospitals from the Catholics and expand programs in clinics to offer real “pregnancy crisis centers” to expecting mothers. We could work with Planned Parenthood to provide comprehensive coverage and ensure hospitals coordinate to support women. We might even pay for a few pregnancies ourselves, it’s probably what Hillary R. Clinton would want anyway.

Further reading on The Church of HRC — Mending the Separation of Church and State

Conclusion

Ten years from now in Wichita a conservative voter needs an appendectomy but can’t afford it. The appendix bursts and as that voter cringes in pain, they look through the ambulance windshield and see beaming through the night, the Hillary Clinton campaign logo on the front of the hospital.

MORON crying out in pain and dissonance: NOOO! ANYWHERE BUT HERE!
MORON passes out.
MORON wakes up in a clean hospital bed, a NURSE pulls open the blinds.
NURSE: After you use the restroom we’ll help you to the wheelchair and call you a Lyft.
MORON emerges from the bathroom and picks up his wallet.
MORON: How much do I owe you?
NURSE: Are you kidding me, this is the Church of Hillary Clinton. Get out of here!

At home, the Lyft car pulls up to MORON’s home. MORON opens the door of the car and turns back …
MORON: How much do I owe you?
LYFT DRIVER: Are you kidding me, you came from the Church of Hillary Clinton. Get out of here!
MORON limps painfully and shamefully up the driveway. Inside, MORON quivers with confusion and passes out face-down in bed.

Cud Blay

Written by

Cud Blay

I am Cud Blay, star of The Brown Bunny. I enjoy: ridiculing films; Jack Daniels Whiskey; and, Gordon Lightfoot cover bands. I also write.

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