The Bunny Brigade: and other things I said I would never do.

We all have things we said we would never do. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances would I ever.

How many of those things have you ended up doing?

I have a whole list. The crowning achievement of this list is what we tenderly refer to as “The Bunny Brigade”. Little Chef never took a soother, or a bottle, so for a good chunk of the first year of his life the only thing that made him happy was nursing. Now I get it, it’s magical and beautiful bonding and excellent nutrients etc. but sometimes I just needed him to happily sleep in his bassinette so I could sit and have a glass (or bottle) of wine. So I kept strategically leaving him to hold or cuddle an adorable stuffed bunny he received as a gift at his baby shower. My plan quickly worked and within a week he was a bunny man. Bunny helped him sleep, kept him occupied, and was adorable. It was a perfect solution. Until one fateful night when we left bunny at my mom’s house… {cue menacing music} Next plan. Back up bunny. Nana in all her shopping happy splendor bought not one, but 3 back up bunnies in case of emergency. We hatched the perfect plan. One bunny lived at my mom’s house, on bunny lives at Nana’s house, one bunny was hidden in storage under the crib just in case, and “Bunny Original” as he is now referred to stayed at our house. Everything ticked along perfectly until one day. One day we decided to take back up bunny along in the car because teething. F&%k teething. We went about our day, and Little Chef fell asleep in the car on the way home. I gingerly took him from his seat and placed him in his crib and we ooooed and aaaahed at how adorable and sweet he was clutching his little bunny. Until the next morning. When I went in to pick him up and he had the biggest shit eating grin on his face… and two bunnies in his hands. Devastation. How could I have let this happen? Back up bunny went to bed with him and bunny original was innocently laying in the crib waiting for his kid to come home and snuggle him. Now imagine the trauma Bunny Original suffered at this moment. I suspect I would not be thrilled if James came home one night and said “Look I got another wife! How cool we can all snuggle together!” But my problems at this moment were larger than Bunny’s. Now John knew there was more than one bunny. Until now, his magic bunny had beat him to each house he visited, waiting nicely at the door for him. Now he had two. And like hell he was going to let me take one away. Right about this time I was helping my mom clean out our old rooms with the junk that accumulates over 20+ years of living in a house. As we cleaned out my sister Jo Faye’s room we found an adorable stuffed pony and she decided because of her golden colour she should be named “Caramelia” which is a sinfully delicious caramel chocolate from the chocolate company Valrhona. {If you want to change your life, eat some of that!} Little Chef was playing and helping us in this task so he got the pony. He very quickly became very attached to Caramelia and wanted to take her with for nap and bedtime to. So I went from one simple bunny to give me a break and un-complicate my life, to two bunnies and a pony. And as everyone knows, every crew needs a name, hence “The Bunny Brigade”. I am sure those of you without children are reading this and thinking, “This woman is stupid, just take the toys away and put the kid to bed.” Ha, hahaha, hahahahahhahahahaha. Call me when you have a toddler. I will pour you wine and remind you of how “informed” and “intelligent” you used to be.

Other notable things I swore I would never do:

• Let my kid watch TV before the age of two. This still very rarely happens but sometimes when I just need 15 minutes of quiet I let Little Chef watch “Cake Boss”. I feel like its’ kind of educational, plus kid’s shows make me want to claw my eyes out. Bubble Guppies? Are you for real?
• Eat McDonalds. I used to be very fancy. Like never ever for the life of me ever in a million years would I eat fast food. It was sustainable, local, and hand made or nothing. Now sometimes a lady just needs herself some chicken nuggets.
• Max out my credit card: Don’t even think about judging me. We have all been here at least once.

Now don’t let me sit here spilling my secrets all over the floor. Let’s hear em. What is something you swore you would never do and ended up doing?

• Stephanie

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