Collage (Feelings #1)

8/16/16

I start my first year of collage soon and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this nervous in my entire life. It’s new, terrifying, exhilarating, positive, AND negative all at the same time! I’m terrified that I wont meet anyone I like, or that they wont like me. I’m scared shitless that I’ll fail all my classes. Yet, I also find my self bubbling with excitement over the fact that it’s not high school, or at least, it’s not saposed to be high school.

So far in life I’ve lost friends to death, drugs, and ‘insanity’. I’ve been in toxic relationships (yes, more than one), I’ve been gossiped about, bullied, and punched in the face (only once). High school chewed me up and spat me out like week old chicken, and left me feeling vastly unprepared for the future. What if collage is worse?

Being a person with a learning disability made high school an educational challenge. One that, at times, I wasn’t so shore I’d get though. I started reading at age 11 when most kids start at age 7 or 8. Had I not started reading when I did, I don’t even know if I would have gone on to become the example of a “success” that I am. I graduated high school. I graduated high school. I graduated high school. Me. The kid who almost didn’t learn how to read. And now I’m expected to graduate collage in the next four years and then really do something with my life.

Can’t I just fast forward to the point in my life where I’m already successful and happy with loads of cool friends and my own place to live? I hope one day I get there. What if collage is too hard? What then?