List: Job Openings in Bernie Sanders Administration (Full-Time, with Benefits)

  • Secretary of Organic Agriculture
  • Undersecretary of Organic Dairy Production
  • Assistant Undersecretary for Deciding What the New Ben & Jerry’s Flavor is Going to Be
  • Secretary for Altered States
  • Director, Office of Personnel Diversity
  • Internal Revenue Service, Assistant Commissioner for Taxing the Living Crap out of the Koch Brothers
  • Secretary for Bullying
  • Chief Undersecretary for Explaining that the Secretary of Bullying is There to Prevent Bullying and Not There to Bully People, Okay
  • Special Assistant to the President for Getting Someone in Washington to Make Bagels as Good as You Can Get In New York City
  • Undersecretary of State for Republican Migration to Canada
  • Surgeon General
  • Herbalist General
  • Aromatherapist General
  • Herbal Aromatherapist General
  • Assistant Director, Office of Personnel Diversity for Hiring Someone Other Than White Oberlin Graduates
  • Youth Outreach Officer
  • Assistant Youth Outreach Officer, Division of Student Loan Forgiveness
  • Deputy Youth Outreach Officer, Division of Explaining that the Student Loan Forgiveness Bill is Tied Up in Committee
  • Assistant Deputy Youth Outreach Officer, Sub-Department of Explaining that “Tied Up” is a Metaphor
  • Deputy Assistant Director for Doing Something About All These Resumes From White Oberlin Graduates
  • Director, Office of Phish, Game and Wild Life