Socially Conscious Porn & Long Term Relationships

From Troy Kinne’s Youtube channel

I am just going to be honest here. It’s embarrassing, but statistically relatable.

After being in a relationship for a while, I lose interest in sex. It’s not that I stop being attracted to my partner, I simply stop thinking about sex.

If you consider the biological function of sex obsession, you must recognize that it is a means to carry out the human imperative: to create more humans.

This imperative serves us well while we are on the hunt for a mate. We think of sex often and seek out it’s reward, along with companionship and relationships for some. Without this obsession bars would probably be empty but we might get a lot more accomplished as a species. And then die off…

But after several months or years in a relationship our brains are no longer flooding us with sexual thoughts and urges. And biologically, what need does my brain have to spend time thinking about mating? That’s been checked off the list, as I get a steady host of endorphins from cuddling and interacting regularly with my partner. This is where it gets difficult.

This natural decline can make us feel like a huge disappointment to our partners. It can (and does) cause relationship problems, emotional distress, and guilt.

Photo credit my instagram: jeneeinthecloset

So what can we do when we love our partners but don’t feel the driving urge to fuck them? When our brains are no longer giving us the urge to fuck anything, because they’ve decided this is a secure relationship?

I don’t know about you, but I google shit when I want to figure it out…

Most advice I found said to eat right, exercise regularly, talk about it with your partner, and basically fuck even when you don’t feel like it. Yeah, that’s the gist of it. If you’re healthy and not into sex, you should just have it so you’ll be thinking about it more and want to do it more.

This seemed like an overly simplistic answer to a complex issue. It also seemed a little messed up to me- have sex without feeling aroused? Isn’t that a little like eating a whole cake when you’re not hungry? I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel like shit. Not the kind of behavior that will lead to seeking out more cake, if you know what I mean.

But do you know what makes me feel intense cravings even when I’m full? Commercials about food! This is a BIG reason I don’t watch syndicated television. I have autoimmune conditions that force me to eat really healthy and just watching those commercials will send my stomach into “DIGEST ALL THE THINGS!” mode.

So, if looking at delicious things on TV being enjoyed by other humans makes me want to consume than it would stand to reason that pornography might hold a solution. But there is a major problem with that. I don’t like porn.

When I think back on what I’ve seen over the years, both in seeking it out and incidental exposure, one word comes to mind; fake. Nothing about it feels authentic, and what’s worse often it seems like the most of the actors are just eating the cake to eat the cake. No amount of overdramatic moaning and slurping noises will convince me otherwise.

The cake is a motherfucking lie.

Did you ever make Mario climb to the top of a tree and keep going?

As it turns out, lies don’t turn on empaths. The idea that porn actors aren’t making an emotional decision to share their sexuality with you but a financial one can be quite a turn off.

But, plenty of seriously altruistic people enjoy a good drama or comedy, knowing full well that the actors are paid to appear in those scenarios. Perhaps production value or target audience was the key then.

It was with this open mind that I started exploring hentai, animated, and 3d porn just a few months before my thirty-second birthday. These animated and rendered expressions of sexuality are sometimes ridiculous, but I feel they are much more honest. They take me on a journey through their creator’s expression of sexuality, and throughout that journey, no one gets hurt.

Now, when I want to have a good cry, I watch a drama. When I want to have a good laugh, I watch a comedy. And when I want to feel the emotion that I refer to as fuck, I watch a good animated clip on my favorite free sight.

I don’t have to feel bad that “the porn industry’s troubling fascination with “jailbait, (…) the eroticizing of adolescents, particularly girls, is now widespread in fashion, advertising, and popular culture”. Or that “that the portrayal of girls and young women as sex objects harms girls’ mental and physical health, and it harms boys by making them sexually violent” according to The American Psychological Association.

So, yeah, cartoons are helping my sex life, and that’s not weird at all…

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