I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you sooner- you gave me a lot to think about.
Like you, my partner started losing his hair in his mid-20’s. I hadn’t actually noticed when we met as he had a tendency to wear hats around me.
Well, one day (before we were dating) I showed him this video- the catch line is “shave your head and grow a goatee.” I hadn’t realized he was dealing with thinning hair, but I guess the video was enough to make him decide to do just that. The next time I saw him he had his head shaved, and we’ve been together for almost two years now.
I also had a client (who became a great friend of mine) when I was a tattoo artist that came into our shop to get his ears peirced. He loved my crazy hair, but sine he didn’t have any on his head, he started (safely, carefully) dying his goatee…
One thing lead to another, and now he has more tattoos/piercings than I do, lol. He is in his 50’s, conservative, and has a corporate job. I think he enjoys people’s reactions to his “modifications” nearly as much as he loves them himself.
He has an intense back story, and like many men who appear perfectly normal, is incredibly creative, imaginative, playful, insightful and interesting. Now that he’s modified his shell, other people are more likely to ask him questions, interact with him about these choices, and generally get to know how fucking special he is- but he’s not more or less special that he was to start with.
My motto is “you do you” because no one else can do it better. I didn’t chose my partner because he had cool hair or interesting tattoos, I chose him because of his brilliant mind.
I don’t assume when people don’t or can’t modify themselves that a boring person is lurking underneath. I can’t say that I’m totally unaffected by appearance.
When I see someone dressed conservatively I worry that I’ll get judged. Not because conservative clothing and style makes you judgmental, but because it’s happened so many times before. I actually got fired after a supervisor found out I had a tattoo on my wrist while working as a server in Utah- a TIIIIIIIIIIINY little tattoo- my first one to cover the scars of where I’d attempted to end my life at 18.
Fuck, we never know what people are hiding under such thin layers, do we?