Only once in a generation does a work of cinema come along that defines said generation by redefining it. Ben Hur, Apocolaspe Now, and The Godfather are a few films that have reached the upper echelons of both art and popular culture. And while the AFI Top 100 is a comparatively solid list, it does make some mistakes. And in the case of the film I am talking about, a particularly egregious one. Too long has this work been overlooked and misunderstood to the point of parody that is so undeserving of it brings out an anger in me that is seldom seen. An anger that has not occurred since I was forcibly dragged to the 8th Fast and the Furious “film” by my friends.
I still have yet to formally forgive them.
You now must be thinking “Jesus fucking Christ Caroline, you’ve dicked me around with a bloated, pretentious, and superfluous paragraph, get the hell on with it, I have ramen on the stove.” I hear you fam and I got your back. And now I will tell you why you are here and what I am arguing
2008’s Mamma Mia! is the Citizen Kane of our generation.
Yes, that Mamma Mia!. The movie that has an exclamation point in the official title. The one where they let Pierce Brosnan sing. And do not pretend you weren’t in to it. He has achieved a rare feat where he is admired equally by both sexes for being James Bond and also a Grade A DILF.
So why is Mamma Mia! the greatest movie of the past 10 years? I could go on for days but we will keep it short because y’all got shit to do. And I know right now I’m like that one crazy person in your town that everybody knows (shout out to the Jesus Van guy in the South Bay of Los Angeles. You the real MVP) but bear with me because if you don’t listen you’ll regret it. (insert tasteless Katrina joke)
Okay, lets dive in.
ABBA is The Greatest Pop Band Ever
#ThankYouSweden
Their music may not be high art but don’t lie and say you don’t know all the words to Dancing Queen. It is an anthem for all young women. And Lay all Your Love On Me is legitimately a fantastic song.
This film is wall to wall just fun music. What’s not to love?
Meryl Streep can do no wrong
This bitch could do a court scene with a sack potatoes and convince me it murdered someone, and not just through high cholesterol, like stabby stab murder. Like an SVU type murder. But let’s be serious, Streep is the best actor of her generation and no matter what role she has played in her career she has always done so convincingly. Her character Donna, although she does have some flaws that may be big mistakes in other people’s books (not telling your kid who their father is pretty crazy), Steep creates her to be a modern feminist hero. Being a single mother and owning her own inn in a foreign country is no easy feat.
Location, Location, Location
We all know the big actors took this movie on for the free vacation to Greece. I would too. The film takes full advantage of the scenery and its almost like the Greek tourism board paid for it. But honestly they probably got some sweet tax breaks for when they actually filmed there.
The beautiful scenery throughout the whole film is transformative without having to create a CGI world that so many films use today. Its nice every once in a while to be reminded that places like this exist and you can visit them.*
*budget and income restrictions do apply
THERE IS A LITERAL GREEK CHORUS
Whenever they pop up to add backing vocals and sassy looks to Donna I become incredibly giddy.
White People version of a Maury Povich episode is the best kind of Maury Episode
I’ve been saying this for a long time, but this is the best case scenario for a Maury “you are the father” episode. Perhaps it has to do with income levels or age, but all involved seem to be pretty cool that this girl could be their daughter. But if all Maury episodes went this smoothly you wouldn’t have Maury so what else would you have done when you were at home from school when you were sick? After the wholesomeness that is the Price is Right with Bob Barker, everyone needs a little trash in their lives to make themselves feel better. So thank you Maury.
The Dad’s are Hot AF
DILF’s. All of them. Donna is legit a hookup inspo.
Amanda Seyfried’s Bathing Suit
Girl, I’ve wanted that one piece for almost a decade. Where did you get it? DM me please.
Christine Baranski
Legend. Just a legend. She makes this movie her bitch and her character is a life goal. Rich, fabulous, and bags a younger dude who is thirsting after her the entire time. We all need to aspire to be Christine Baranski. Also her character is really a testament to the power of female friendship. She is stepping completely out of her comfort zone, traveling to this tiny island with zero amenities that she has been accustom to all in order to support one of her oldest friends. This is what the Women’s March was all about.
This Dude
Hi. Who id your dentist? Where is your accent from? I’m just so intrigued by you. Your skin looks very tight. Like really tight. So much youth.
This Lady
Her most pivotal moment takes place during Dancing Queen. The number which showcases the Power of Meryl Streep© where she gets a whole damn island of ladies to do a choreographed routine. Its truly incredible.
This old bitch is carrying all these damn twigs up a hill and sees Streep and co rocking the fuck out. She tosses her work, and symbolically the patriarchy, off her back to join the other women in reclaiming their power, individuality, and exceptionalism, the main theme of Dancing Queen.
Catholic Guilt Jokes
Hitchcock used it for dramatic purpose while in Mamma Mia! takes a more lighthearted approach to the topic. Being Catholic myself, the jokes never get old.
Julie “not my daughter you bitch” Walters
Lets level for moment people. Julie Waters is also a god damn national treasure. Her role as Mrs. Weasley made every child want to say deuces to their own mothers and live in a shack in the middle of a corn field. That’s how powerful Walters is. In Mamma Mia! That exuberant spirit is brought to the real world with such gusto that I feel like taking on a Zumba class. Group exercise is the worst kind but Julie’s charisma makes me want trek to a Soul Cycle and shell out $30 to spin in a sweat lodge when I could probably do it for free at some off the grid “retreat” in Arizona. The only person who looks good after Soul Cycle is Anne Hathaway because she is not human. I’ve personally seen her there and no one should be that happy after perspiring enough to meet Seattle’s yearly rain quota.
But anyways, the point I’m trying to make is Julie is wonderful and her character goes after what she wants. In this case Certified DILF with a kick ass boat Stellan Skarsgard. You Can thank him for Alexander Skarsgard, who even though was truly a garbage human in Big Little Lies can we just talk about how good him and Nicole Kidman looked together? Talk about people who are just seriously way too good looking for this world and we aren’t worthy. Their sex scenes were both hot and terrifying. And don’t lie and say you weren’t kind in to it even though it was so fucked up. Like really fucked up.
Caulk
Can never get enough
Pierce acts the shit out of S.O.S.
Sure his singing voice has a similar tone to when my cat is coughing up hairballs, but he makes up for it by acting the ever living shit out of this scene. So much emotion in those eyes, pining for the past. Its raw and emotional and you feel the love his character has for Donna that has been bottled up for 20 years.
Meryl Streep’s should have been Oscar Moment
Meryl Streep. Cliffside in Greece. Belting The Winner Takes it all. Powerful is an understatement. There is more emotion and vigor in these 3 minutes than Lana Del Rey’s entire discography. This should have been her Oscar Moment that year because not only is it a great scene, but the headline writes itself. I would have loved to have woken up to newspapers in February of 2009 saying “The Winner Takes it All! Steep Wins Another Oscar”. But we didn’t because The Academy is like 70% old white dudes who can’t appreciate a great musical.
And before you go “what about La La Land Caroline?” Ok first of all fuck you. La La Land, while very good, is not as great as people make it out to be and problematic in many ways that I don’t have time to get in to. Lets just say that both Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling can’t sing or dance particularity well. He looks at his feet when he’s dancing and it’s distracting. And a white boy is single handedly going to save jazz music? There more problems there than your relationship you thought was gonna survive long distance after you got back together even though both of you cheated on each other.
There is a Happy Ending
Sophie realizes that her and Sky probably shouldn’t get married and they go off and travel together. All while all 3 men are just happy to even maybe be her dad and a part of her life. Which is both weird and really mature and nice. And Donna and Sam make sure they don’t waste all that time they spent setting up for the wedding and decide to get hitched. Its cheesy but wonderful.
Questions
So although this film is one of the greatest ever, it is not immune from criticism and questions to which I have a lot of.
1. Where did Sophie go to school?
2. If she was on this island her entire life how did she meet her bridesmaids who are English and Scottish?
But really where the fuck did she get an education and meet all her lady friends who come to her hen party? I’m v confused.
3. Why does no one speak Greek?
Donna, you can’t just invade a foreign country and not try to assimilate. That’s kinda crappy.
4. Did her and Sky meet while he was traveling?
Like dude, what’s your story. You seem really nice but like who are you even? What does your family think of this? Any brothers? Asking for a friend.
5. Lets just talk about this dream sequence during Money, Money, Money. Why are they riding jetskis that AREN’T EVEN IN THE WATER? Please explain.
6. Does Donna have a magical pussy?
This is a legitimate question. It must have been pretty great for 3 guys to travel all the way to Greece to see this woman who they haven’t had any contact from for 20 years. But I’ll have what she’s having if I could have dick on call like that.
6. Bitch, your main water pipe just broke. Why are you dancing?
Apparently this Island is the site of Aphrodite’s fountain and those who drink the water there fall in love.
Ok whatever. That’s cute.
So throughout the whole film, in the the main courtyard this crack gets bigger and bigger. And at the end of the film when everyone is dancing, jumping up and down, it finally bursts and Donna screams “it’s Aphrodite!!”. Bitch that was your main water line. Weren’t you the one complaining earlier in the film how you’re broke and the inn is falling apart? That’s like an easy 3 grand in repairs right there and you’re laughing and having fun? But you do you
But putting everything aside I’m going to be serious for a moment. Not every film has to a serious piece of “art” to be considered great. If we only made film like Schindler’s List and depressing documentaries what does that say about us? There shouldn’t be a stigma in liking and appreciating films that may not be considered high art in the minds of critics and scholars. You should only judge a film for what it is aspiring to be and how it makes you feel. For example, Bring it On and Legally Blonde are great films because they accomplish their goals of being the films they are suppose to be. Mamma Mia! Is great because it accomplishes it’s purpose being fun and cheese with a side of DILF. And what’s wrong with that?
So hate on Mamma Mia! All you want because this film snob will pick it over most movies any day of the week.