My PM Journey — Wrapping up my first Q as a PM
90 Days of Product Management are officially behind me.
This journey that started off with turbulent first month progressed into a very interesting and challenging second, was capped off strongly with a great third. This experience provided perhaps the most learning and growing I’ve had in such a short period.
My blog aims to provide an authentic account of my first PM steps, examining what makes this job so challenging, yet so rewarding. As it happened, this month’s post came out a bit scattered. For organization’s sake, the below post will cover two stories of important encounters with my boss, along with my take on two critical psychological-sociological effects that are always aiming to tear down the psyche and career of anyone not highly vigilant to them.
Hanging in there?
My manager, the company’s VP of Products, is a product master and a great boss. As a brand new PM trying to manage a collapsing product, his trusting, at times distant approach and his rare display of strong positive emotions were quite noticeable and somewhat challenging.
Many of our interactions were initiated by me. I knew he had my back, but perhaps not as actively as I would’ve liked. It was a bit hard not to feel like I fell through the cracks.
Then, something interesting happened.
During a routine meeting in the beginning of my third month on the job, mildly grinning, he asked me how I was, and whether I was hanging in there.
Why is this very standard question unique, you ask? This was the first time he’d asked.
How come?
As an an empathetic and supportive bos, I believe was well aware of the rough seas I’d been trying to navigate and could see my worry and frustration, especially during the crazy first month.
Instantly, I understood that what seemed to me like I fell through the cracks, was in reality my trial by fire. I thought I was drowning, but in reality I was tossed in the water and monitored carefully. This might sound somewhat masochistic but the hopefull realization that all of this difficulty was controlled and thought out, was a great relief.
Furthermore, if this hands-off approach was meant to teach me to be fierce right from the get-go, then this expression of interest and care meant that I was through. Did this mean I finally passed my trial by fire? It kind of felt like it.
Perhaps, for the first time, I feel that I’ve moved from being product managed, to being a product manager.
They’re gonna get ya’
There are two syndromes that I feel plagued most of my PM career (and my professional life). The moment I’m able to finally escape from one, the other one waits around the corner and sends me running back into the open arms of the first.
Any guesses what those might be?
How many times do we go into promotion-announcing meetings with fear of getting fired? How much time do we spend, with zero evidence to support it, being afraid that our true useless, worthless nature will finally be discovered?
Impostor syndrome is one bad dude. I got to experience just how bad it can be when I witnessed the sheer relief on the face of a friend to whom I’d just told of its existence. I would bet that there was a tremendous moment of joy in the life of every adult, when discovering that their lack of self-belief might be caused by a common psychological phenomenon, and not by the fact that they’re worthless impostors. Life becomes much easier when you learn of it.
The second syndrome tends to be much more annoying as a general reality, but I’ve found that it’s often a catalyst for Impostor Syndrome — Dunning-Kruger.
The cycle usually looks like this — I get impostor syndrome, after a rough period of battling it, I’m able to shake it off and everything is fine again. Now, I’m working regularly and my confidence slowly rises. I feel that I’m improving, learning lessons, and am generally in much more control than I was before. Suddenly, a realization hits that I missed out or forgot about something absolutely critical. Now, how on earth can I be trusted by me or anyone else, ever again? When will they finally understand that? Thanks Dunning-Kruger, now back to you Impostor.
The insanity is, even though I was well aware and prepared for this diabolic duo, they still hit hard. My brain is no sore loser, understanding that “You’re an impostor” no longer has the same affect of me, it evolved to “Of course impostor syndrome exists, and you’ve caught me in this lie before. However, this time, in this very specific case, I swear it’s really the truth!”.
Impostor and Dunning-Kruger will likely never stop. They will always be there, sitting on my shoulder and telling me alternatively that I either don’t know anything, or that I know it all. They both have to be fought hard, continuously.
Feedforward —
As part of our annual feedback process, I had a performance review with my manager. I haven’t heard negative feedback from him throughout the quarter, but impostor syndrome was giving it his all, and I was certainly still filled with worry.
The review went really well.
It was incredible getting an official approval stamp for my performance during this Q.
Now’s the time to repeat and improve.
See you next month!
If you found this post to be interesting and helpful, you might enjoy my previous posts —
2. Analyst to PM in three months. How?
