Creepy Old Guy Said What??

aka Uncomfortable Conversations with My Grandfather

My grandfather is slightly hard of hearing. He’s also weird. The following is a transcript of a conversation from a recent visit. Nothing has been changed or exagerrated.

Grandma and I are sitting in the living room. Grandpa enters, passing through to the kitchen at the back of the apartment.

Grandpa: (to me) Hey! I have something to show you! You’re gonna love it.

Me: (sarcastically) Ummm… not sure I want to see it.

(He doesn’t hear me.)

Grandpa: It just pops up when you’re not expecting it.

Me: (laughing) Now I know I don’t want to see it.

(He doesn’t hear me.)

Grandpa: No matter what you do, it keeps coming and coming.

Me: Fwuhuh?! I do not want to know what you’re talking about.

(He doesn’t hear me.)

Grandpa: You’ll see it right behind the bush.

(Now Grandma is laughing hard.)

Me: You’re not helping.

Grandpa: All nice and bright pink.

Me: (Hands covering my face)

Full disclosure: I gave my grandmother a house plant several years ago for Mother’s Day. Grandpa planted it in the back yard, and every summer it returns, blooming with bright pink flowers. All in view from the kitchen window.