From Victim to Empowered Self
On my last post about identity I promised to write about how I overcame my patterns of victim mentality.
It is very common for folk to feel “at the mercy” of the actions of others. I did it for years. I also kept attracting people into my life whose bad behaviour impacted on my physical and mental wellbeing. It was to do with my “vibration”. Like a magnet, if you have a “charge” from a trauma either from childhood or a past life, the universe will keep bringing it to you.
I was always aware of this. Over the years I thought I had become a strong and independent woman, and therefore that charge had automatically dissipated. I was very wrong.
How I Changed
When I was first getting in touch with this quantum field, and how I could “feel” into it, and therefore adjust and change it, I used one tool. Full Body Presence (FBP), a book with audio exercises by Suzanne Scurlock-Durana. I related to Suzanne instantly as she had a background in yoga and qigong, like myself. These practices started to change the negative dynamic between my son and myself. He “felt” the changes in me, as I was healing the charges of trauma in my body. Traumatised people tend to be “beside themselves” or are afraid to fully inhabit the body. It’s just too scary, to be present with the body. This absence makes it easy for others to manipulate you.
The one exercise from FBP that I consistently do to this day (about 6 years later), is to quickly send my energy down into the earth, if I feel someone attempting to start a power struggle or similar. You can feel that by that tight or gurgly feeling in your tummy when you are around someone who has an unpleasant vibe. You may also feel it in other parts of your body.
The second stage in my conversion from victim to empowered self, was with Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. At the time Melanie was offering one on one Skype sessions and I could tell I was working with a master. Very intuitive woman. The crux of this program is similar to the FBP, however with this the changes in my life weren’t as subtle. They were far more profound. I got through a horror court case with my ex relatively unscathed. DS became to feel safer around me, as I began to feel safer within myself. Stability started to become the norm in my lifelong pattern of breakdown and chaos.
This program is intense and it requires quite a dedication to get it underway. Quite simply I feel I was a wreck at the time, and I was willing to do anything. Rock bottom stuff. With guided meditations and an almost shamanic approach, Melanie talks you through getting in touch with the “original wounds” that keep re-enacting throughout our lives. Once you find and feel into those wounds, she expertly trains you how to shift them out of your body. Once gone the negative patterns you keep attracting disappear. The words past and future lives are used, however all beliefs and religions are respected in this practice.
How it feels
Well my dream of living near the ocean has become a reality. I have peace of mind. Members of my family and friendship group have moved away from me. It was a shock at first, but on reflection, they were the most toxic relationships in my life. I wear, do and say what I want these days, no longer feeling like I have to present myself to the world in a way that was expected of me. Overall the feeling I would say is authentic. Feeling authentic is the most empowering sensation. Sigh.
Day 19 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge