Mum’s, Did You Forget Who You Are?
The dust is finally starting to settle in our lives, after about 10 years of guess work, crazy town and false starts. You lose your identity in this chaos. Such is the world of special needs parents. DS is finally showing signs of being able to leave the nest, in very small doses, and with me not too far away. Being 14 he is slowly maturing (some days), and is becoming more independent. As much as is possible for aspy adolescent brain :)
Finally I’m no longer licking my wounds during the day, and spending half the night helping him get to sleep/overcome trauma etc. My whole world is not always about him. Well right now anyway. For years I was never recognised as a carer. I was expected to participate in the workforce just like any other, and get him to school on time just like everyone else. When you are dealing with a multitude of issues entirely on your own, many folk simply do not understand how utterly overwhelming that can be. Thankfully I am recognised now, for the additional things I need to do to keep our lives on the straight and narrow. I am safe and ok, not like in the past.
This safety means I can now start to look at my life. Wow even writing that feels luxurious. I’m tipping a lot of parents feel the same, if you haven’t been focussed on your own life for an extended period.
The joy of being able to do this is amazing. It makes me sigh. My muscles soften. I’ve learnt to get my kid to take more and more responsibility. It’s slowly working. Teenage hormones throw a spanner in the works at times, but there you go.
So now I can think at length for my hopes for the future. Maybe some education, maybe some travel, who knows about the career. I hope this “reclaiming” of myself will be an example to DS. It used to break me to know that he saw me in the “victim” mindset. Not the greatest role model. Awesome that I’ve stepped out of that. Will write about that breaking of the victim on the next post.
Right now I’m going to research some things to do that would be great, just for me, and I’m going to cook some food that is absolutely not kid friendly! I can feel the parts of myself that seemed lost, finally coming back to merge into me.
Day 17/18 30 Day Blogging Challenge Join me :)