Stranger Things: The Twisted, Angry Ballad of Augie Gonzalez

The internet can be a really weird place, and Cubs Insider has recently been given peek behind the veil of that oddity. I’ve been lucky enough to have SEO bring in search traffic for old posts, but never quite like the saga of Augie Gonzalez. Depending on what you believe by reading his comments and searching various incarnations (aliases?) of his name, Gonzalez is a venture capitalist, model, actor, former professional baseball player, and open qualifier in some golf tournament. He’s also a former friend of Cubs hitting instructor John Mallee.

Under normal circumstances, I’d feel bad doxxing — releasing personal info about an online individual — someone, but Gonzalez leaves his name, email (a VC uses gmail?), and phone number (!) in each of his comments to an article I wrote about Mallee. Actually, let me dial that back. The article, published in July of 2015, was aimed at those misguided souls who wanted to blame the coach for the Cubs’ offensive woes.

When it first ran, the post didn’t get much traction, probably because most of my readers are discerning enough to understand the futility of the criticism I was condemning. Now, however, it’s getting new life as a wacky forum for a guy who has a serious ax to grind with Mallee. I was somewhat amused when the first couple comments came in, as they bore all the hallmarks of an unhinged individual with jealousy issues.

Epithets, awful grammar, and misspellings galore; Augie was filling up the chat room BINGO card with gusto. I replied a couple times, but figured it’d be better to email him to tell him to tone it down and at least present a cogent argument rather than name-dropping and coming across like the fraud he claimed Mallee was. Needless to say, the response I got was less than coherent and contained more of the same self-aggrandizing pomposity of the comment-board fodder.

I’ve got all kinds of questions about Augie and why he chose to dredge up a gripe that’s a quarter-century old. I’ve also got questions about what kind of grown man seeks out another man to heckle/attack him over something that happened that far in the past. The truth, as they say, is out there. I’m not interested in learning any more about Augie’s claims, since I don’t really care about how or why John Mallee got a scholarship.

When you get down to it, we’re talking about an individual (Mallee, that is) who worked for nearly two decades in the Milwaukee, Montreal, and Miami organization as a minor league hitting instructor before working for a couple seasons as the Houston Astros’ hitting coach. As Cubs fans well know, Mallee came to Chicago in 2014 in that same capacity. Call me crazy, but I’d say 20 years of experience in professional baseball suffices when it comes to credentials.

It’d be one thing if this was an expose of somefraudulent con-man running a hitting clinic in some podunk town, but I think I’ll give the benefit of the doubt to the Cubs when it comes to sussing out talent. Unless, you know, Mallee has completely snowed the front office, the rest of the coaching staff, and the players. If he’s a fraud, he’s doing a hell of a job faking the results for guys like Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant, and Addison Russell.

Anyhow, here’s how the whole thing went down in the comments. Take note of the lengths to which this guy goes to (often incorrectly) use big words and how often he repeats certain words or phrases (rhetorical, cyber, etc). I bet a linguistic psychologist would have a field day with this:

Augie: John Mallee was a fag back at Chicago State University. A complete con-man also. Had ZERO CREDENTIALS to be in any MLB organization. Get the facts. Augie Gonzalez, former teamate. 480.636.9100

Augie: John Mallee stole our former college summer ball hitting students back in Northwest Indiana. Our coach was trying to make ends meat at the time..! John is a complete SNAKE… Get the TRUTH. Augie Gonzalez. AJ Capital Partners, LLC. 480.636.9100.AGUSTINANTHONYCAPITAL@GMAIL.COM

Me: First, I’ve got zero interest in you using that kind of language. Second, that post was from last year and was aimed at folks who think a hitting coach is to blame for a team’s temporary struggles. If you’ve got an ax to grind with the guy, fine, but I don’t really have much interest in digging up dirt on him. I’m sure there might be someone else out there who’d be down with it, just not my thing.

Augie: John Mallee whom I befriended many years ago and whom I took under my wing and tutelage was and still is to me and many others who know him from Chicagoland is a complete fraud and joke. Many players from our former school in which we played baseball for at Chicago State University together feel the same. We all knew back then that he had more mouth than game. The term that we used for guys like him was, “all show no go”. The problem for him is that he had neither of such. “No go” depicting his game including lack of hitting and “all show” depicting his monkey faced mullet haired looks along with a clown like persona that belonged in a circus. We all new that his now deceased father was the reason little Johnny boy was even offered a college scholarship and MOST DEFINATELY why little Johnny received a GIFT draft choice by the Phillies. Totally without merit and a complete joke of the system in which his father had some quasi influence on the feeble minded Chicago area scouts back then. Can you say politics..? Several years later I confronted the then and now pompous little Johnny at a NW Indiana bar and tore in on him about his selfish act against our former college summer ball coach Richard Hands. John Mallee deliberately maligned and ridiculed our former coaches ability and knowledge about hitting to several of the wide eyed and ignorant Indiana parents of children that coach Hands was teaching lessons and making a little income from… Our coach needed that little income to survive..! Little John Mallee proved again on who he was again. A complete selfish SNAKE… Spoken in TRUTH by Augie Gonzalez. Stay tuned for my next truth to be sent soon about how I confronted little Johnny in Mesa, AZ during a Cubs spring training game..! Augie Gonzalez. AJ Capital Partners, LLC. 480.636.9100. AGUSTINANTHONYCAPITAL@GMAIL.COM

Me: Sounds like you need a Snickers, Chief. I’ve got zero knowledge of this stuff, but it sounds kinda like jealousy from here. I mean, you could have a totally valid point, it’s just that the delivery doesn’t lend much credibility to what you’re saying.

It’s at this point that I decided to email him the following:

Augie,

I’m reaching out based on the persistent comments on the John Mallee piece on Cubs Insider. Since you left your email and phone number several times, I figured it’d be easier to reach out to you directly than to just reply to the comments. It’s pretty obvious that you’ve got a major gripe with Mallee, but the way you’re choosing to share it doesn’t really paint you in a favorable light.

First, the post itself is over a year old, so it just strikes me (and others) as odd that something like this would come up now. And while I understand that not everyone is big on grammar and spelling and such, lack of fidelity in those areas doesn’t necessarily lend credibility to one’s statements. Even if you overlook that stuff, resorting to insults and epithets is a surefire way to have someone cast your criticism aside.

And the whole thing about being a fraud? It’s one thing to snow little kids and gullible parents dreams of raising an MLB star, but I have to think Theo Epstein, Joe Maddon, and the hitters making up the best team in baseball would not be quite so easily hood-winked.

All in all, the rants come off as petty vindictiveness from someone who’s jealous of a former colleague. Bear in mind, I’m not necessarily saying that’s what you are feeling, just that that’s how it comes across to the readers. While I have to admit to getting a fair amount of perverse entertainment from the stuff, it’s more based in curiosity and incredulity than in actually putting stock in the claims and wanting to tell the story.

I’m not quite at the point of deleting them, primarily for the reasons I just listed, but I’ve got to tell you again that my site isn’t really the appropriate place to go airing years-old dirty laundry about a guy. I mean, we don’t even get that many views anyway. And whether we do or not, this public image flogging just feels really petty and immature. There are probably a few folks who want to see the continuation of the story about you confronting Mallee in Mesa, but I really can’t see what’s being gained here.

Here’s Augie’s classic response to my email:

Again, I shall overlook your pompous statement on sighting spelling and grammer errors as a feeble attempt to slight me. Your continued attempt to ridicule me actually reveals a deeper insecurity within yourself. Even if you were a rhetorical scholar, you should show restraint and discipline on your obvious attempt on self righteous verbiage. You are simply painfully revealing your cards. Poor you. I understand that certain people like you need to prove something or make a point of superiority over another in some type of capacity. I understand inadequacies. Higher educated and high IQ people like myself see right through your word attempts to bolster your low self-esteem. You are probably one of those dorky guys that grew up with very limited athletic ability and merely became a spectator to us world class athletes. You are probably one of those little guys like John Mallee that I took under my wing like a little puppy hopping on my leg for advice on hitting and women. You are probably one of those reporters that approached us athletes with a dumbfounded, wide-eyed look on your face and speaking to us as if we are your hero. Kinda makes you feel cool, in fact you’re a fool. Yea, I think I have you pegged. Do you understand what MENSA means..? Allow me to shove a little ego down your throat. Although, I truly see no need. I truly am a successful investor and Venture Capitalist buddy. I also am the alpha dog in this conversation. You can call me SPIKE. Keep this in mind my puppy friend, their is always a method to some madness. Tools come in all shapes and sizes… I wouldn’t be this wealthy if I didn’t utilize my resources wisely… This was not an attempt to discredit you. I simply want you to open your mind a few dimensions higher. You don’t need to be a puppy dog to John Mallee or anyone in the Cubs organization. Don’t be a pawn to them for free press without an ROI, Return On Investment. As you know, words have power. Put VALUE to your power. Are you being compensated or are you being played..? Again, my little word attack and using this forum against my ex-friend, teamate and hitting student “John monkey Mallee” is simply my power to reveal truth on what I sincerely know about him. A complete snake. I will give you a little credit though, you are right, their is more to this than you know. John definately knows… 3am here. Time for bed. Regards, Agustin “Augie” Gonzalez

And now we get back to the comments:

Augie: More truth on little John Mallee. But, before I proceed, allow me to address this charge of a jealous rant that this small time writer and now wanna be psychologist is claiming against me. Listen Evan, you don’t know me nor my past relationships with former teamates including John or my past baseball endeavors both amateur and professionally. If I were jealous of this little monkey “John Mallee” I would probably sound much more distressed and make pointed facts about my career “numbers” and accomplishments in comparison to little Johnny’s. You are missing the point or creating a talking point that suits your interest. Obviously, you are going to protect your interest as a Chicago Cubs loyalist. We know you will protect John Mallee’s credibility or lack of in his case and try to rhetorically malign any adversary. This adversary happens to speak TRUTH though. Backed up by FACTS buddy..! So, do yourself and the readers a favor and be objective and learn some TRUTH about this con-man and snake… I will reveal what happened in Mesa, AZ soon. Keep in mind, I am a Venture Capitalist now in Arizona and one of the banks I do business with “Bank of Arizona” is a loyal sponsor for the Cubs at the spring training ballpark… Johnny boy made another error… Stay tuned. Augie Gonzalez. AJ Capital Partners, LLC. 480.636.9100. AGUSTINANTHONYCAPITAL@GMAIL.COM

Me (at this point scratching an itch I know I shouldn’t and turning it into a scab): This continues to bear all the hallmarks of either jealousy or catfishing. Or both. The name-dropping there at the end is a nice touch. I’m sure “Bank of Arizona” loves working with someone who won’t return the common courtesy of an email. As I mentioned to you already, Augie, I’m taking no small measure of perverse pleasure from this. It does look like your company filed articles of organization last year in Scottsdale, so I guess that much is true. But you still never answered why on earth you decided to come to a small blog and comment on a post that’s more than a year old to air grievances that are far older still. It’s not Festivus, buddy.

It was interesting to see that there’s an AJ Capital Partners based in Chicago that manages several different properties, mainly boutique hotels and then another that’s set up in AZ but that has pretty much zero online presence. I’m sure the names are just a coincidence though. I might have seen a LinkedIn profile too, but there wasn’t much there. And I saw something on Ripoff Report about someone named Agustin Anthony who had withheld payment to models (a subsequent update to the post, which was oddly worded and contained a blurry selfie of a guy in a clothing store, advocated for a second chance). Is this the same Augie who’s coming to my blog to attack someone over something from 25 years ago? I’d feel kinda bad about doxxing, but you’ve provided your email and phone number here, which, who does that?

Nobody’s buying the spiel, brother, so let’s just cut the BS and get your story out so I can share more screenshots on Twitter.

Alright, Augie, I have read through your email a few times now, mostly because it took me a while to truly grasp its nigh unfathomable profundity. I mean, it has to be intentional for someone claiming to be a MENSA member to so blatantly fill their response with misspellings and malapropisms. But it was all glossed over by the machismo dripping from each word. Seriously, I found myself so in awe of your mental and physical superiority that I really was able to overlook the fact that no genius needs to tell you he’s a genius, no rich and successful man needs to tell you he’s rich and successful, and no intelligent man needs to tell you how intelligent he is. But I suppose you’re the exception to the rule.

Speaking of exceptions, I was having a difficult time reconciling some of the information a friend (despite being a doe-eyed, groveling wannabe, I do have friends; of course, they are also spineless hacks like me, so they probably don’t really count as human beings, amirite) shared with me regarding a quick lookup of some basic facts regarding the LLC you keep promoting in your posts. Would you care to address any of that, or are you going to resort to name-calling and various other forms of general loathsome behavior?

Augie: Little Evan, too bad you pompous little brain cannot comprehend the real purpose of my revealing truths on little Johnny Mallee. I’m not quite sure why you are trying to make feeble attempts to ridicule and malign me. Perhaps your self proclaimed “BEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS” by scoring 400 points on some Magic Johnson game has burnt some brain cells. Let’s call that what it is, “NERD”. Lol. Perhaps John Mallee whispered into your ear and told you that you were a cutie pie in the hopes you would provide him good press. Knowing John, that would be plausible. Getting to know you on the other hand, I’m sure it tickled your fancy. It’s obvious that you are way up Johnny’s ass towards finding some type of euphoric man to man coddling. Again, knowing John, that too would be plausible. You also seem to be on some type of rhetorical high about yourself as if your mommy didn’t hold you enough. You obviously are trying to prove your manhood behind words. Are you Jewish..? Don’t worry, we are not challenging your IQ or trying to bruise your already low self esteem, so save us your embarrassment. Every time you stick up for this con-man/ snake John Mallee, you shed more light on yourself as an idiot. Perhaps if you truly did some digging like a REAL journalist, you will find truth in my words. Contact our old college summer ball coach RICHARD HANDS and get the truth from him. He is the real victim of Johnny’s selfish actions. In your case, you are a victim to low self esteem and false bravado… Get some balls dude. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sure Johnny boy has already flipped you some soft toss in the cage. I’m sure he likes the way you SWING… Did you comprehend that analogy Evan..? Agustin “Augie” Gonzalez,

Me: Big Augie, or Spike as you’re known in the yard, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

The funny thing here is that I’ve never actually stuck up for John Mallee. Rather, I have called out those who would blame a hitting coach for the failures of world-class athletes like yourself. I think you missed that at some point in the course of questioning Mallee’s and my sexual orientation and my intelligence and race. Which, by the way, would a MENSA member who’s operating a successful business — and not some kind of fake name-only outfit that shares an address with a grocery store — really resort to such childish methods of discourse? I get it, though. Guys who are raised in a locker room culture could be at a higher risk of stunted development when it comes to socialization and wouldn’t realize how moronic it is to demean someone by calling them gay or Jewish.

Neither, by the way, is true. And I’m about as much a journalist as you are a venture capitalist, which is to say I’m not at all. The big difference is that I never pretended to be. You name-searched a guy for whom you harbor a seething jealousy, found a year-old blog post that contained his name, and then launched some fever dream of a smear campaign against him. What’s even crazier is that I’m dumb enough to have fallen into your trap, though I readily admit it’s mostly out of a desire to better understand the warped logic behind this whole thing. Even though I knew it’d get me nowhere, I was hoping to draw out some semblance of motive. Yet, here we are, trapped in battle of words — which isn’t nearly as exciting as the euphoric man-coddling I’ve enjoyed with your other nemesis.

There’s something to be said for the entertainment value of these attacks, just as there is for those inane Real Housewives shows. You just watch the human trainwreck and thank God you don’t know those people. Even so, I think I’ve got to say goodbye to you, Augie. I’m going to see about blocking you from the site, which means that future comments will be considered trespassing. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that sort of activity, though, would you? Take care, buddy, and I wish you the best with that VC firm.

Augie: Again Evan, you sway on the side of ignorance, self-righteousness and just plain stupidity… I know that you are getting some kind of weird euphoria out of communicating with and about professional athletes. You self-admittedly have questioned yourself on why you have even entered this cyber dispute with me. You called yourself stupid. Look deeper into your psyche little guy, you may reveal your issue yourself. If you cannot find the reason, perhaps I can assist you… It all boils down to you, “like John Mallee” having a deep seeded root of insecurity. Only you know the depth of your issue and the pain that you harbor. I kinda feel empathy for you at the same time I want to ridicule you. My conundrum. When it’s all said and done regarding our cyber dispute, you have willingly entered into my game like the idiot you are. I played you like a tool and you performed as I expected. Yes, I did speak the TRUTH on John Mallee and his lack of credentials to be in a Cubs uniform, original signing with the Phillies, lack of talent, being a kiss ass, being a fraud and a thief of our coaches hitting students. I got my message out there in some weird cyber portal, “your goofy Cubs Insider” site… You served me well. Now go serve the con-man, “John Mallee” on your knees… Regards, Augie Gonzalez

Me: This has gotten so insanely idiotic and convoluted that I’m not even sure where to begin. Your loose grasp of both reality and the English language doesn’t help things, but I’m reasonably sure you’ve not spilled any “truth” yet. What about that time your confronted Mallee in Mesa? You still haven’t shared that with the world. And what about that coach you keep fawning over, Rich Hands? He still around?

Don’t forget, chief, you came to me. No one knows who you are, yet you’re leveraging my site to spout your lies. Come to think about it, you actually sound a little like Donald Trump. I’d say you should consider a political career, but I think some of those skeletons in your closet would end such aspirations in short order.

Augie: Again Evan, you self admittedly proclaimed yourself an idiot or stupid to keep the fire burning on this original topic of Mallee in which you attacked me from first… You definitely are finding some amusement from this as I do… I certainly do not run away from your feeble attempts to try and bolster your low self-esteem which is clearly depicted by your verbiage and rhetorical pretentiousness… You made it perfectly clear on who you are and where you mentally come from. I remember the days flexing my big biceps and trying to be a macho man via my looks. You on the other hand try flexing your anemic writing skills for what..? Keep doing those repetitions and sets with your fingers on your computer. Building finger muscles..? For what..? You don’t get a frikn dime for writing for the Cubs. Who is the fool here..??? You are the NERD. Sorry for the reality check little guy, but Theo Epstein, “The Jew” plays you nerds all the same. He knows that you are tools like I do… We get you to work for FREE… You are such an easy tool Evan..! Keep it coming brother. Are you still interested on what happened between me and Mallee in Mesa..??? Regards, Augie Gonzalez

Augie: CONGRATULATIONS little Evan..! You finally woke up to the fact that you were being used as a tool… You finally stopped responding. Even though I had to point this out to your peeeee brain, I applaud you for finally not taking the bait. To be quite honest with you, you were starting to bore me with your limited literary ability and word usage. I know you like to think that you are the rosetta stone of the literary industry, but in truth you are simply a little peon trying to make a name for yourself and lift your low self-esteem behind borrowed words from your pocket book thesaurus. You probably don’t even know the term, place of origin nor the word usage of “Rosetta Stone”. Even though I obviously used your little blog sight to expose truths about the lack of merit and blasphemy that a MLB organization “Cubs, Marlins, Astros and Phillies” could even put this d… sucking loon on a major and minor league payrole, I now have found even more fun manipulating and making fun of you. You truly were an easy target. A young wide-eyed, low self-esteem, attention seeking, mis-placed ego and false bravado pin head. Even though your site may have one or two other followers, It may have made them chuckle at your responses and how stupid you were to engage. I know your first response after you read this is to laugh to yourself in a quasi fictitious, self-lifting and pretentious smug manner. You will now quickly pull out that pocket thesaurus again and desperately look for retaliatory measures and words to persuade yourself and readers that you are the literary genius and authority of intellect in this cyber revelation of yourself… You obviously are not either of these. If you have noticed, I have dumbed down my word usage for you lately to accommodate your speed. We are wondering how you will react to this obvious insult upon you. My MENSA buddies think that I’m crazy for wasting my time with such an imbecile as you, but as I told you before, “their is a method to this madness”. We are now betting on your next move like an experiment. You truly have been an entertaining little rat. Do you respond to this..? Do you ignore this..? Do you word attack..? Do you retreat..? Do you take the bait “cheese” again..? Do you delete us..? We await you while we laugh at you little Evan… Soooooo tempting to react, right Evan..? Regards, Augie Gonzalez and now 5 others analyzing and betting on you buddy.

This is the point at which I finally blocked him, not because of his antisemitic and homophobic slurs or the fact that he sounded like a less notorious Donald Trump, but because he was just going in circles and wasn’t providing anything of merit (I use that term with all the firmness of Augie’s grasp of reality). I’m not proud of the fact that I kept responding to him, but it really was sporting fun for a while there.

By the way, I did do a little cursory follow-up with some crowd-sourced help from Twitter friends. I couldn’t find much about Richard Hands, the beleaguered summer-ball coach Augie referenced a couple times. His name does appear in the bio of Indiana Elite Travel Baseball founder and coach Jeff Myszak, but there really wasn’t any other readily available info. An email to Myszak went unanswered.

As for Augie himself, there’s a LinkedIn profile for Agustin Anthony that claims he’s a “Former Professional baseball player, Professional model / actor / producer, Professional golf “open qualifier” and instructor. Private Equity Investor. Executive Producer for motion picture and TV show financing.” It also lists AJ Capital Partners, LLC as his current employer, though that company is a real estate firm based out of Chicago that specializes in boutique hotels and that does not list Agustin Anthony, Augie Gonzalez, or any other form of his alias on its site. The company roster does, however, include Peyton Manning’s brother, Cooper, for what it’s worth.

There does appear to be an AJ Capital Partners, LLC that was formed in Scottsdale, Arizona in January of 2015, but the address listed (23233 N PIMA RD) belongs to a PO Box at a mail supply store in a strip mall. Oddly enough, the complex also houses AJ’s Fine Foods, an upscale grocery store owned by a grocery chain called Bashas’ that has several locations throughout the Phoenix and Tucson areas. Huh, so that makes two similarly-named businesses that appear to have nothing to do with Augie.

I didn’t follow up on the claim that he works with Bank of Arizona, since, well, I could just as easily say I work with Chase. As for the world-class athlete business, it appears that may be at least partially true. There’s really nothing in the school’s archives or in Baseball Reference’s database of pros from CSU, but he may have played a couple years of independent ball in the mid-90’s. There’s also this piece about Augie Gonzalez hitting a home run for the Merrillville Muddogs (is it weird that the headline refers to him as a reject?). That article also references some time spent with Monterrey in the Mexican League.

Finally, a public records search turned up some information on a conviction in Scottsdale court on charges of first degree criminal trespass of a structure (entering or remaining unlawfully in or on a residential structure, a class 6 felony in AZ) as part of a domestic violence offense by a man whose name is eerily similar to (read: exactly the same as) the commenter above. An appeal of the verdict was upheld by the Superior Court of Arizona earlier this year.

Oh, did I mention that the defendant in said case also shares an address with the LLC mentioned earlier? I want to be careful with this one, because it’s entirely possible that there’s more than one Agustin Anthony Gonzalez in Scottsdale, Arizona and that both/all of them have PO boxes at the same mail supply store in the same strip mall.

In the case of Augie Gonzalez (not the criminal case, mind you, just the overall case of him being a giant doucher), we can only guess at who he really is or what he’s really done. I’m reasonably sure that the foundation of his story is accurate, it’s just that it’s been heavily gilded. What we know for certain, however, is that he’s kind of a terrible person. I don’t think you need me to hold your hand through a breakdown of his messages to understand that he’s got serious issues when it comes to his views of masculinity and his own self-importance.

I’ve since deleted all of his messages and my responses from CubsInsider.com because it was starting to feel like poison and I could tell it was affecting me. I suppose it’s no different to maintain them here on Medium, but there’s at least a sense of them being at arm’s length, like a tumor that’s been excised and placed in a jar of formaldehyde.

If I’m being totally honest about finally cutting this troll off, though, it’s because I knew I’d never actually get the truth from him regarding the origin of the beef with Mallee. Despite repeated saying that he was sharing the TRUTH (all caps!), all that was in there was either circumstantial or not enough to cause the kind of visceral hate he seemingly harbored. What caused this in the first place? Why was Augie seeking a conduit through which to strike back at his former friend and teammate after all these years?

We’ll never know, and that’s almost as sad as a delusional man-child slapping the backs of his MENSA buddies as they laugh over his ingenious joke about “euphoric man on man coddling.”

UPDATE

Augie came back to find his posts gone and decided to trespass on Cubs Insider (he’s good at that). Here’s the latest trail of vomit and bile he spewed:

I WIN..! I knew the home brewing drunk “Evan” would finally put down that drink and his slush brain would come to some semblance of reason… My friends thought that your over inflated ego and false bravado would have lead you to one more babbling word attack on me. You decided to resist and did not take the bait this time. But, I knew that if I dumbed it down for you on the last post, you would react as I desired. You see now Evan, you were being played and used. Just like a used condom sags and wilts at “the moment of truth”, this moment of truth for you is an explosion of hot reality. You truly are a hot mess Evan. You wilted and sagged just as I predicted… I am now cease and dissisting you and your little peeeee brain to your cyberspace of virtual reality. Your weirdness. You now can go back to your submissive position on your knees to pleasure John Mallee in your quasi Philadelphia Freedim. Keep this in mind little Evan, you are now entering the next stage in our experiment. We are still gambling on which hole the rat “you” will go down. Do you still want to know what happened between me and Mallee in Mesa, AZ..??? Yes, this is a teaser Evan… I’m betting on you to do ……. Regards, Augie Gonzalez

Do you get the feeling that he really wants to be paid attention to? I think the dude really needs a hug, or perhaps some euphoric coddling.

UPDATE #2

Because his comments now go to trash on the site, Augie emailed me again:

I WIN..! It was fun to create a little fun, make a point to my Mensa friends and make a little money off of them too by making predictions on you Evan. You were the perfect tool and the perfect RAT. I figured you out and you performed precisely as I expected. You scampered upon the spinning wheel and dove down the little dark hole that I predicted. Your rat like persona chased the cheese and followed the bait. You are such a feeble minded individual Evan that I intentionally dumbed down my last post to achieve my desired response. So predictable and naive you are. You wilted under pressure like a used dirty condom. You are a hot mess… Your dilutions of grandeur about yourself thinking that you are a good literary professional are certainly misplaced. You are very amateur at best. A real professional would never engage in such rhetorical rants and verbiage with a perfect stranger. I tapped into your insecurities and you exposed them to your readers. I manipulated you and your responses to the tune of my pleasure. The perfect lap dog. Again, I am the alpha dog “SPIKE” in this conversation. You were merely my subject… I’m also quite sure that you didn’t even make the final decision to pull down my posts. You were instructed by your wife. If she didn’t order you to comply to her demand, you would be scampering on the wheel towards the next dark hole of blog attacks. It’s all about your ego or lack of self-esteem Evan. You will ALWAYS be the spectator to us professional athletes and you will ALWAYS chase intellectual acceptance from others like me. Both will never be reachable in your case. I was actually getting bored mind fucking you although I made money in the process. I will now allow you to carry on with your false bravado based life and weird sense of fragile self-proclaiming intellect. I will keep an eye on your future blog postings and your feeble attempts to bolster your low self-esteem while you try to ridicule other readers/bloggers comments that seem to frustrate you… Remember this encounter for the rest of your literary life Evan, readers with higher IQ’s and awareness will always see your insecurities via your writings, especially when you ridicule others. We will immediately tune you out. Now, let me revert back to the locker room mentality for a last moment. John Mallee was a homosexual back in college and he probably will go down on his knees for you for good press… I will refrain on exposing what happened in Mesa, AZ. Perhaps you should ask him. Regards and good riddance, Augie Gonzalez

I seriously just ell-oh-elled about “dilutions of grandeur,” which is way too awesomely hilarious, particularly for a MENSA member. And the attempt at further defaming John Mallee is something else.

Most of the rest of the content is transparently unintelligent blathering from a man who’s clearly trying to compensate for something. Or maybe he really does believe all these things, I’m really not sure how that works. I’ve actually come around to feeling sorry for the guy, as these messages are indicative of some pretty serious psychological and emotional issues.

Update #3

I had send a(n admittedly ill-advised) reply to wish Augie well with his business ventures and his ability to continue to parlay his athletic success into prosperity in the face of any felonious activity. Fair warning, the language here got even saltier.

Again, little Evan trying to get a feeble last word of criticism in to bolster a pathetic self-esteem. You know what you are. Evan has been and always will be the insecure, unathletic, weak Jew that has to create a reason and word attack to overcome deep inadequacies. I’m sure you are a financially broke little man too. Certainly, the other tight Jew “Theo” isn’t paying you a salary to stroke his cubbie bear dick. Thanks again little man. I just cashed in again..! You keep taking the bait. You are so damn predictable… I’m coming to Chicago to sell one of my properties in two months. We should get together. If you can find the time to get your dick out of John Mallee’s ass and at the same time sucking Epstein’s cock, “for free mind you” let me know. Regards, Augie

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