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The development team at 2K Sports is really busy, so we made their lives easier by updating the player database on our own.

The NBA season is already a quarter of the way through the schedule, or one Sixers win, depending on how you measure basketball time. Either way, it’s time for the good folks at 2K Sports to update their player ratings and The Cauldron has the inside look, with a little help from Jim Cavan and Mike Camerlengo.

Jahlil Okafor

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Kobe Bryant

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DeAndre Jordan

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Kristaps Porzingis

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Steph Curry

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J.R. Smith

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Kevin Durant

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Luke Walton

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Thanks to the power of the Internet, the most awful football prognostications get to live on forever.

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With the NFL regular season nearing a close, the preseason has been long forgotten. (How ‘bout those 5–0 Giants!)

Here are the five worst predictions the #experts made prior to Carrie Underwood’s first official intro song of the 2014 season. While all are horribly, comically wrong, a few still maintain some signs of life.

1. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will win the Super Bowl.

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“Whoops!” (AP)

Who said it: ESPN analyst Herm Edwards.

When it went wrong: Right as it was coming out of his mouth.

In the three seasons leading up to 2014, the Bucs went 4–12, 7–9 and 4–12. That doesn’t much seem like a team building towards a championship. In the offseason they added Lovie Smith and Josh McCown and … ummmm … [checks for some other people that would miraculously make an awful team championship-quality, like maybe a reanimated Vince Lombardi and Johnny Unitas?] …


Johnny Failball could destroy the world, still dreaming of a 6–10 division champ, and Aaron Rodgers’ sex-fueled Buffalo failure.

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Oh, Johnny Football. What have you done?

Yes, it was just one game. One very horrific game. A small sample size. And, sure, there are some great quarterbacks who had bad NFL debuts. But, with regard to sample sizes, there are many more bad quarterbacks who had bad NFL debuts. You know, on account of them not being good. (Think on it a bit. It makes sense. They were bad, so they played poorly from the start.)

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https://medium.com/the-cauldron/here-lies-johnny-football-318561afd9ae

The problem, John-F, is that you are not just any quarterback. Many a no-name Jaguars or Titans rookie quarterback has debuted, stunk and been forgotten. They don’t matter. But you are Jonathan Football. There is too much on the line for you to be a bust. If Sunday’s performance was a sign of what’s to come, if you are going to be Johnny Failball (ZING!), the repercussions will be vast. …

About

DJ Gallo

Also @thatdjgallo and the creator of @sportspickle

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