Date Night Every Night: Redbox and Chill

Netflix, scratch that, Redbox and chill with Headphone boy: In this world of technology dating apps seem to be everyone’s go to when they are looking to meet new people. Download app, get a few chats, become friends, maybe more? It is NOT that simple. There are thirsty guys and gals just looking for a easy hook up everrrrywhere. What ever happened to dinner and a movie? or Netflix and LITERAL chill?

Here’s a story to give us all a good laugh…

Girl and guy start chatting via app called MeetMe and realize that they do not live far from one another. Guy asks girl over for a movie and cuddling. Girl makes it very clear that cuddling is ALL that will happen. She’s smart, knows what she wants and wants the expectation to be crystal clear. Guy keeps the invitation open because, let’s just be honest, he is still hoping cuddling won’t just be all that happens. Girl arrives at guys’ place after being given terrible directions from him over the phone (strike one). Girl knocks on the door and waits TEN MINUTES before he finally opens the door (shame on her). They make small talk while she gets cozy on the couch. He hands her the remote and tells her to pick a movie. DUDE HAD NO PLAN (strike two). They both realized that they make an indecisive pair, so they took a trip to the nearest Redbox in his Prius. (Short mid story-girl has nothing against a man who drives a Prius-except when he turns the bass all the way up on a Drake hit and it sounds like Oscar the Grouch popping in and out of his garbage can. (Revert back to-KNOW HOW TO DRIVE aaaand strike three). Once they were back at his place he threw her a bag of Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn and a blanket-maybe, just maybe, he could start to redeem himself.
What comes next was completely unexpected…
Homeboy pulled out two sets of headphones-like larger than Beats-the kind that make you feel like a pilot or some shit. He claimed it was the best and only way to watch a movie. WRONG. Can you even imagine the discomfort of wearing headphones that large while a man tried to cuddle with you? The sight would be painfully hilarious (and I am actually laughing while typing). With this sudden turn of events the girl decided to act sleepy and text her roommate in hopes of being given an “out.” Roommate left her hangin’. So, she decided to go the responsible adult route:
Girl: “I am so tired and have to be at work early in the morning. I really should go.”
Boy: “Oh, that’s okay. There’s a bed in there with you’re name on it.”
Did he even remember the original conversation? Did he even actually know her name? What the hell had she gotten herself into? How many strikes does he have now? BYE.
Unfortunately that was not the end of Headphone Boy. He continued to text and when she didn’t respond he asked, “who you been cheatin’ on me with?”
BYE, BYE, BYE Headphone boy. Best of luck to your next Redbox and chill victim.

**it must be noted that these experiences are not all my own, but those of people in and around my life-who have thankfully given me permission to share their crazy life stories**

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