7 Things Trump Has Ruined

1. Red Hats: Since the introduction of the ghastly red baseball caps, partially made to spread a message of hate and partially made to hide Donald’s hair, I have looked twice at any red hats I have seen. I used to have a red Red Sox hat when I was a kid. I put enamel pins (before they were cool!) on them, and it took me far too long to connect the dots between that and my head hurting. But now, that is not the most painful red hat there is. Thanks, Don.

2. People named Donald: My uncle is named Donald. My grandfather was named Donald. The name never had a negative connotation. But the same was probably true of “Adolf,” until it wasn’t. If you could sell names as stocks, Donald’s has got to go. There won’t be many kids named Donald for a little while.

3. The “a-okay” finger sign: It was everybody’s favorite indicator of things being, well, okay! Bump into me in the street? Hey man, check the fingers — we cool! No more. Trump’s gesticulations have made the former finger assurance into a mere parody. And now if I bumped into someone on the street and they gave me the fingers, I wouldn’t think things were a-okay. I would wonder what racist thoughtss they were saying in their head.

4. The color orange: I am currently applying to grad schools, and one of my options is Syracuse. Their mascot is the Orange. Disregarding the fact that it makes zero sense, it also has a new meaning. No longer is orange just a color. It’s the equivalent of a swastika — formerly a sign of good fortune in Hinduism, it now instantly connotes thoughts of evil. In a recent positive sign of progress, many schools are shying away from racially charged mascots. I mean, we still have the Redskins and Indians, so it’s not perfect. But we’re getting somewhere. Similarly, I suspect that in due time Syracuse will be switching to the Blues or Yellows.

5. Frogs: This is one I couldn’t have predicted. Pepe was America’s favorite meme (did not fact check) until recently. They were cute, they were rare, they were wholesome! And then they were taken from us. They now are the avatars of every Twitter user you should block. And most unfortunately for the species, he is the most relevant frog in the country, taking the place that Kermit held for 60 years. And it’s going to take some image repair for him to get that spot back.

6. Large groups of people: Big crowds already weren’t my favorite before the concern of fascism arose. But now, they’re unbearable. The following are the places I have panicked about being in close quarters of Trump stans: the train, my office, my apartment building, my extended family, and basically anywhere else. Sometimes I wonder if my pets have an opinion. And sometimes I’m glad they can’t talk.

7. The Republican Party: Eh, not too sad to see it go.