Social Media, Delusion and What Is Not the Downfall of Society

I entered high school in 2006, around the same time as Facebook’s emergence into popularity. Before I got an account, I really did not like Facebook, because it was the thing that kept my sister on the family computer for way too long. I was resistant to get one, both because I knew it would illuminate my lack of friends, and because I was just getting used to MySpace and AIM.

An aside: I didn’t get AIM until 7th grade. All of my elementary school friends had it, but I had dial-up internet at home, and it was too cumbersome to load. When we finally got high-speed, my parents were hesitant to allow me to take part in an activity that they assumed was a one-way ticket to To Catch a Predator. I downloaded it anyway and used it whenever they weren’t home. And I was not good at it. My first screenname was “racious15.” I wasn’t misspelling “racist,” but “righteous.” I know that doesn’t really explain it any better. I took it way too seriously, spent far too long crafting my away messages and my profile (at least I didn’t put my friends’ initials in them). I pressed on, using AIM obsessively for the rest of middle school. Though I did change screennames eventually.

Anyway, I caved on the first day of high school and used Facebook all the time until a couple years into college.

I don’t think there exists a more anthropological glimpse into my high school life than my Facebook statuses, comments and wall posts. More accurately, the comments and likes of other people. Here are a few examples:

October 12, 2006: “doin HW” Zero likes or comments

November 4, 2008: “is Vote.” Zero likes or comments

August 29, 2008: “*school schedule*” Zero likes, one comment from my sister: “you’re a dork”

December 15, 2007: Wall post from my sister’s then-boyfriend-of-two-months, now husband: “Haha, now your sister isn’t the primary source of your wall posts.”

I was a pretty miserable boy in high school, both internally and in my social standing. It was pretty rough, and I didn’t even realize how pathetic it probably looked from the outside. I mean, just looking at Lee’s post can give you an idea of that.

A lot of people consider the constant posting of statuses/tweets/selfies as a signal to the demise of our culture and narcissism among our youth. But I think a lot of social media, especially during high school, was the opposite. Most people posted statuses like I did above. For what reason? It was not imperative that everybody know my homework patterns. I told people to vote when I was 16, and most of my Facebook friends were the same age—it was not a practical exercise. I just wanted people to hear my words, and to remember that I exist. It did not happen in person, so it had to happen on Facebook. I would imagine the same is true for many people. When we are posting selfies, or tweeting about our menial daily activities, it isn’t bragging or a sign of the demise of culture by way of self-absorption. It’s a reminder that we exist and have things to say.

My high school life consisted of equal amounts delusion and depression. I ate lunch alone in the library and thought it was normal because I was getting homework done (ignoring the fact that I would usually just listen to comedy albums instead), so I kept doing it. I made dumb jokes throughout my Physics class to nobody in particular, and one kid would constantly put me down with retrospectively blatant sarcasm that I interpreted as genuine enjoyment. So I kept going.

I think that without that delusion I might not have made it out of high school, in one way or another. Whether or not that’s healthy is a whole separate question. I would like to think my delusion has tempered; I have more friends than I did then. More people read the things I write on the internet (I mean, not a lot of people, but still). But there’s still a huge part of me that writes just to remind myself, and other people, that I am there. Being able to use social media as an outlet during my worst times was hugely important, and it remains and will continue to be.

Maybe it is self-centered. But remind me again why we’re telling young people that their faces and their thoughts aren’t worth our time?