The 2016 presidential election was rigged and any attempt to prove otherwise is futile ’cause it just ain’t true.
This November brings another chance, perhaps our last chance, via the midterm elections, to right that wrong and vote these destructive Republicans out — if that’s even possible. Yes, voter turnout should be impressive as more and more people recognize the stakes of these elections, but if the system can’t be trusted, the so-called blue wave won’t matter.
Are you confident that the midterm elections won’t be similarly manipulated in favor of the GOP and President Trump?
(It would probably help to read this first)
My wife and I are facing a test to our parenting like those every other modern parent faces on a daily basis.
It’s not just that the terrible twos are in full-swing. Or that our house is bitterly divided over the prospect of a Zelda-themed birthday party for my third-grader. Or even that we both may lose our sanity to an opposition hellbent on perpetual screen-time and nonstop snacks.
The dilemma — which our children do not fully grasp — is that the adults inside their own house are working diligently from…
Two legendary women.
Two enduring myths.
Two fictional characters with names that sound the same and are almost spelled the same, like, so much so that you have to wonder if one inspired the other… unless you’ve only heard of one of them, and you know what? You probably have only heard of one of them because, let’s be honest, there’s probably not a ton of overlap between their two audiences.
Let’s find out!
Below, I’ve compiled a list of facts, some about the star of an ancient Greek myth and a famously brutal play, some about the one-woman-franchise Entertainment…
10. “Gesundheit”— If you don’t mind sounding German
9. “Salud” — If you don’t mind sounding pretentious, which: you’re an atheist looking for alternatives to ‘God Bless You,’ you should be fine
8. “Religion is responsible for nearly every major war!”
7. “Nietzsche bless you!” — See #9, multiply by 15 million
6. “When you die there’s nothing…”
5. “It’s just darkness. Like you’re asleep. Forever.”
4. The entire lyrics of “Dear God” by XTC
3. “God bless you” — But ironically! LOLZ!
2. “God bless you” — It’s just a phrase, guys. Give it a rest.
1. “Bless you” — Maybe just drop the ‘God’ part, genius. Christ you’re insufferable.
SCENARIO 1: FRIEND
A. PHONE CALL
Guy 1: Hello?
Guy 2: Hey man. What’s up?
Guy 1: Nothing. Watching the game.
Guy 2: Who’s winning?
Guy 1: Let’s not talk about it.
Guy 2: Ha ha, sorry, man. So, you got plans later?
Guy 1: I dunno, what’s up?
Guy 2: Gonna hit the bar with JP, have a few pops and watch the four o’clock games.
Guy 1: *sigh*
Guy 2: It’s no big deal, just a heads up.
Guy 1: Nah, it’s cool. But we’re still unpacking and the wife is all over me for even watching this right now. I doubt I can make it but won’t really…
by Mike Julianelle
INT. KITCHEN — — MORNING
A man in a familiar red and blue suit, complete with cape, is sitting at the kitchen table. The room is spare, with a window next to the table, looking out into a large city on a beautiful day. There is a refrigerator across the room on the right of the table, and a doorway leading into the rest of the apartment next to the fridge. The caped man is holding a spoon and staring, forlorn, into a bowl of cereal.
Another man, this one in a dark suit, complete with a…