I live for my children but my wife and I have vowed to thwart parts of their agenda and their worst inclinations. — (It would probably help to read this first) My wife and I are facing a test to our parenting like those every other modern parent faces on a daily basis. It’s not just that the terrible twos are in full-swing. Or that our house is bitterly divided over the prospect…

Two legendary women. Two enduring myths. Two fictional characters with names that sound the same and are almost spelled the same, like, so much so that you have to wonder if one inspired the other… unless you’ve only heard of one of them, and you know what? …

10. “Gesundheit”— If you don’t mind sounding German 9. “Salud” — If you don’t mind sounding pretentious, which: you’re an atheist looking for alternatives to ‘God Bless You,’ you should be fine 8. “Religion is responsible for nearly every major war!” 7. “Nietzsche bless you!” — See #9, multiply by 15 million 6. “When you die there’s nothing…” 5. “It’s just darkness. Like you’re asleep. Forever.” 4. The entire lyrics of “Dear God” by XTC 3. “God bless you” — But ironically! LOLZ! 2. “God bless you” — It’s just a phrase, guys. Give it a rest. 1. “Bless you” — Maybe just drop the ‘God’ part, genius. Christ you’re insufferable.

SCENARIO 1: FRIEND A. PHONE CALL Guy 1: Hello? Guy 2: Hey man. What’s up? Guy 1: Nothing. Watching the game. Guy 2: Who’s winning? Guy 1: Let’s not talk about it. Guy 2: Ha ha, sorry, man. So, you got plans later? Guy 1: I dunno, what’s up? Guy 2: Gonna hit the bar with JP, have…

by Mike Julianelle INT. KITCHEN — — MORNING A man in a familiar red and blue suit, complete with cape, is sitting at the kitchen table. The room is spare, with a window next to the table, looking out into a large city on a beautiful day. There is a refrigerator…