14% Rest

I’ve had more than my fair share of blogs, and have never stuck with them. Right now I have more going on in my life on a large scale than ever before, and if you know me, then you know that’s saying something. Whenever people ask about my life, and I share what’s going on, I always get the 1000 yard stare and,

“So…everything is crazy?”

Yeah, everything is crazy and it’s just the way I like it. Crystal and I get restless when things are calm, we’ve never known quiet and its quite a disturbing sensation.

God created me for 14% rest.

Based on the principle of the Sabbath, God created us to work and be active 6/7 of our time and only to rest 1/7.

That’s right, I’m meant to be 86% going, doing, moving, acting, serving. But lately — I’ve felt like that 14% has dwindled, and it’s not because I’m filling it with more of Him, I’m giving my 14% of rest to all of these other things that I haven’t been able to tend to in the past.

Things I can do without a problem

  • Lead a household of 7 people (Have you met my wife? She let’s me take a lot more credit than I deserve)
  • Assist my wife in running a major orphan care ministry
  • Be a dad to 5off the wall crazy kids
  • Work full time as a proposal manager
  • Meet with others to support them in their journey to foster or adopt
  • Be a good friend and enjoy life with the people that surround me.

The problem is that in the last 2 months, there have been significant changes in our life that have led me to give away my 14% rest. On Sept 11th we lost Addi, I’ve never known grief this deep, or hurt so badly. At times I was broken, at times I was angry, at times I was empty. It’s all been new and something I hope I never have to endure again.

Because our daughter was meant to bless people with her life, in the 2 days she lived she changed me forever. Although she’s gone, its strange to say that she left us a really good life. Crystal and I have had to work through the grief and pain of losing her, at times we fought, at times we screamed. At the end of the day, nearing the other side of the hill, we’re closer. After we fought, we’d understand, after we screamed we would console. While we’re in a good spot now, the road to get here has been draining.

Addi and our community left us in a fairly good financial position, which is something that at first I was ashamed to admit. I felt like a scumbag for getting a life insurance policy on my daughter. At the end of the day though we’re going to use that money to be a blessing to our family, and to others. It’s what Addi would want.

We’ve had project after project that has just worn me down. Losing my daughter, dealing with finances (even if they are good) and project after project has me pretty low right now. We’ve bought a new car, we’ve looked into home renovations, we’re looking for others to bless. We’ve been in an incredibly busy season, and I’ve taken away the time from what God created me to do, and I’ve place extra “but I want to” in it. My body can’t sustain the “but I want to” any longer. I’ve got to get back to what God created me for. I’ve also got to give him control over my body and diet. There will be more on that later.

And to be entirely honest with you…

I’d really like to punch the people that decided to end Daylight Savings Time, square in their junk.

I love my life: The craziness, the chaos, the struggle and the pain. I have to get back my 14%. So tonight, I’m going to watch Blacklist with Crystal, Drink an Angry Orchard, and then I’m going to go to sleep.

Goodnight America.