I’m a liar, and you are too, so stop pretending to be Authentic

Almost every day I read a post, or an article, telling me that to be an effective communicator and a great leader I need to be trusted, thus I need to be Authentic, and I should not tell lies.

I find this argument especially funny, because I’m a compulsive liar. But don’t think bad of me, because you are too.

Let me rephrase that. Being authentic is just like being yourself. It’s a communication paradox. You are yourself, by definition, but the moment you start thinking about what being yourself means it’s the one you start behaving not like yourself. If you try to be spontaneous, you cannot be. The only way to be spontaneous, or authentic, is not being it.

Now, if you follow my posts you know that I’m a Constructivist. I said it in many occasions: truth is just a logical construct. Everyone starts building their own reality the moment they take their first breath. This fact is actually supported by neuroscience: basically, every time we remember something, our brain rewrites it, improving it, magnifying it, adding and removing elements. We are wired this way. We are compulsive liars, because we always lie, starting from ourselves.

I’m like this!

This lie is my favourite. When you are born you are a white canvas. Everything you become depends mostly on the experience you do. Sure, there is your genetic background. You are probably more talented in some fields than in other ones, but that’s it. You are what you become.

Think about walking. It’s nothing if not learned. You start by imitation. You do trials and errors. And at some points your body, which is build for that, starts to learn it. It becomes spontaneous.

Spontaneity is the last form of learning, which become acquisition.

At some point in your life you were not spontaneous in the things you are now. Walking, talking, eating solid food. It was all new and strange. The same is for being resilient. Being an avid reader. Being a charismatic leader, a great musician or a sport champion. You started behaving in some way, and that new and strange behaviour at some point became you.

When you grow up you lose some of your neural plasticity. At some point you believe that you were born to be this, but that’s simply not true. You became like this, and you could become something else if you wanted.

If you were an introvert, you could become an extrovert, or at least learn to be one.

If you were afraid of heights, you could face that fear, and even start to like it.

If you were a bad leader, you could become a good one.

But never pretend you are Authentic, because you are not.

Even if you didn’t continuously lie to yourself, would you tell me you never told a white lie? A lie to reach a mutual benefit? A lie to make someone else to feel good about themselves?

But I suffer from impostor syndrome

Welcome to the club.

The first time you do something new, or even think something new, it’s always strange, artificial. It’s like lying. Then you learn it. At some point it becomes natural, spontaneous. Think about a new work, or a new sport. First time I practiced a lesson of Kung Fu it was strange to me. But after four years, my body knows its movements before I need to think about them.

Next fall I plan to start a theatre course. I would like to practice some diction, because i would like to attenuate my language inflection. I was grown up this way, but I’m constantly tweaking something. I know that at the beginning it will feel alien to me, but that’s ok.

Because this is all the truth, but of course I was lying the entire time.