3 months ago should have been the last time we talked but I am a fool and not for you; I came to realize I always end up in this kind of situation because i can’t be with myself, like I can’t. It is honestly the hardest work for me, it’s boring, how can I pretend to have a really good relationship with someone else if I can’t stand myself.

Still, I want you to know:

I texted you because I genially remembered you in that moment, I just thought of you and I know you are in a relationship right now (everybody knows that) so I don’t pretend to enter in your life again, it’s just not my intention anymore.

I’m not sorry about texting you because I wanted to do that and I think I can still do that.

But im not gonna lie, I’m hurt, hurt because for you it was so easy to throw me out of your life, you are comfortable being us strangers again, I’m not. I’m in pain, I hate being like this, I don’t want you to be my boyfriend , not even my friend but I want to have the opportunity to chat with you every once in a while.

How? How is this possible? Sharing sunrises and bright moons at 1:00 am, talking about our biggest fears and the black holes of our memories we thought we forgot about… How? For me, it meant the whole world, it meant love…for you?

I hate to end all my writings like this but I really just have one question, still, im afraid to ask it because I know the answer will never be as good as I would want to.

So I’m sorry for myself not for my feelings that push me to do the things I want to do, I’m sorry you can’t get that but I know for sure this won’t last forever…and that’s a relief.

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