I always figured I was straight. I just sort of knew, I guess. After only ever liking boys and expressing no stereotypical ‘feats’ of being anything other than straight, there was no reason to ever question it. Back when I thought there was only like 3 sexualities, it was easy to just brush it off and automatically assume I was heterosexual because, after all, everyone else seemed to be. It wasn’t till a thought provoking tweet I read from Rowan Blanchard about wanting to be referred to as queer when I got thinking – was I really straight? I wasn’t gay. I knew that – or, at least, as well as I ever would. But, perhaps I wasn’t as straight as I thought I was. I couldn’t explicitly remember a serious girl crush – anything past thinking ‘there pretty’ and moving on to something else but, I knew that girls were interesting and cool, for the most part. I took all of the quizzes obsessively, staying up til past midnight on a school night, trying to figure out what I was. I don’t know why. I’m not really one for labels and I don’t really like putting myself in a box but that night what I really needed was a straight answer to allow myself to enjoy my sexuality to its full potential. And, I did find the tests helpful for my ever so confused self and used them as a way to discover who I was sexually, labelled or not. The days are still young and whilst I haven’t completely worked it out, I find myself currently identifying, as best I can, as heteroflexible, an often temporary sexuality meaning to be mostly straight but open to new experiences with other genders.
So, for anyone out there who is struggling in this hateful, abusive and discriminative world because of their sexuality, just know that you are beautiful and you are perfect and you have every right exist on this planet as your best and happiest self. Don’t live someone else’s life. You are you, born perfect and there is no one on this earth that should stop you from being happy.
Peace and Love