“Excuses to Hide Me” (A Poem About Self-Acceptance)
They’d think I was nuts —
Think I’d lost my mind
Why oh why share my gift to empathize with another —
One that has taken great pain to truly find?
Surely they are doing just fine.
They don’t need another verbal pat on the back.
An encouraging word? Na they’ll find that in spades —
On their next text message track.
I’m in their way
I’m a waste of their time
The thing that would be best
Would be to keep my trap shut —
That would make everything sublime.
I’m sure they have plenty of friends
They likely are not suffering in the midst
Of one of life’s bitter “dead ends”.
Of course not — they’re doing fine.
Haven’t I had strangers that reached out to me?
They trusted in what they could feel, but not see
And boy, am I grateful for them.
For a moment they made it all about me.
They bought me a cheeseburger, and helped me to see.
Thinking back on these memories fills me with glee.
Never mind that I have been right about this kind of thing —
Many times already before.
This one has to be a fluke —
No need to open my door.
Surely this is all just in my head.
These encouraging words that are coming to my mind…
They are better left unsaid.
But no, I cannot guarantee
What their look is saying to me.
I’ve talked with people who seemed fine
But I’ve learned that’s never a sign.
Of course, if they aren’t onboard
I can jump ship, let go of the cord.
No need to continue something that’s immediately shot down —
No need to fight for a smile when all I get is a scowl and a frown.
That’s not what I’m here to do anyway.
I like spreading little encouraging things — they’re fun to say.
It gets a little out of hand though
When I feel I need to say the perfect thing —
Because such a thing doesn’t exist.
All I need to do is say something —
And then I can fade back into the mist.
It’ll take 30 seconds at most —
And if they’re not a fan I can always disappear again —
Like a ghost.
And if it’s kind of awkward — haha I already have plenty of those!
It’s another story to tell — that’s just how it sometimes goes.
And if they’d like to continue the conversation then sure!
I’m eager to help, talk with them, and new ideas explore!
I’ve seen neat miracles rise from it before —
I’ve seen cool things happen from opening my door.
But today I made excuses.
I didn’t even give them a chance.
And what sorrows fill a soul
When the song of encouragement stops playing
And you missed your opportunity to dance?
It makes me think about battles in the past —
Battles where I was clear ahead — the victory was won.
But the tides can change —
If you’re not careful,
What once had merit
Can lead to absolute none.
And now I see —
I just need to be me.
To try to conform —
With what is the norm
Is surely not going to bring me joy —
On the contrary…
It gets me to feel like someone else’s toy.
And so my gifts must continue to be shown —
One day at a time, and I know my mind
Will continue to be blown.
Alas! I didn’t show the world my fresh thought juices
I acted like my best work was already done.
But nay, I must keep on preparing and processing the good stuff —
For what a world without Juicy Juice, or Capri Sun?
And what a loss is then in store,
For how can you know what you missed out on —
If it’s never been shown to you before?
When you think so much about your strategy
And take no action —
It really can bloom into a tragedy.
I made excuses to hide me —
Hiding this warm heart deep inside of me.
And that’s completely fine.
I choose to learn from this experience.
I choose to prepare and be more ready —
For next time.
Hiding the best parts of me is not the play.
I just need to be patient and treat life as the gift as it is —
Day by day by day.
